I could be "that guy" please give me a chance

That Guy says: "You could be my "it girl" and I could be "that guy". That guy that calls or texts just to let you know he's thinking of you. That guy that would buy you something just to make you smile. That guy that's always happy and wants to make you happy. That guy that doesn't know there's any other woman in the world because he only sees you. That guy that will ignore your flaws and love you for who you are. That guy that you would brag about to your friends. That guy that loves to go out and do things instead of staying in all the time. That guy that would take care of you when your sick if you wanted him to. That guy that would never cheat or lock his phone or play childish games. That guy that's been hurt and knows how it feels and would never put anyone else through it. That guy that would stick up for you if someone said something bad about you. That guy that would love you for the rest of his life. I want to change my fb status.....please let me be that guy. Right now I'm just a Single white guy with his life in order, waiting to be that guy. Why am I not that guy now? I'm used to dating poodles, not looking for that guy. They are used to being used and use people and hurt them. I look younger than I am, usually date women in their mid 20's but that hasn't been what I really want. I want a real relationship with mutual affection. Put " Pumped up kicks" or any other song in title so I know your not spam, no song, I won't read. I posted a car on here and got tons of spam :( Your photo gets mine."

Poodles, you say? What are you looking to date now? Labradors? This metaphor is making me uncomfortable... 

Classy. Have a feeling you are already "that guy". That guy that likes to blow hot air up people's asses, that is.

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3299146977.html

looking for my first time

Virgin says: "I know, im a lil too old to still be a virgin, but im looking to lose it tonight with the right girl. Here is my X rated pic. If you like what you see. Email me back. Im pretty much looking for any girl. Im real. go cards!!!"

So, which is it? The right girl? Or any girl? Or is any girl the right girl? Just looking for a vagina to stick your pee pee in, huh? If you walk around outside like that long enough, perhaps you will find one. You could stand on a street corner with a sign like the Liberty Tax people. That would be awesome. If you're going to give it away, might as well make it interesting. 

(Image was censored by Studs of Craigslist)

http://louisville.craigslist.org/m4w/3287791010.html

Abe Lincoln Style

Proper Gentleman says: "I'm looking for a woman who likes history. That being said I would like you to wear an olde timey newspaper boy outfit and cap while I dress as a proper gentleman and then promptly bugger you properly. Nothing gay, I just like the movie Newsies."

You want to "bugger" a paperboy. Sounds pretty gay. 

  http://louisville.craigslist.org/m4w/3289856669.html

New to Southern Indiana, Looking to Meet Up

That's a really great picture for your personal ad.

http://louisville.craigslist.org/m4w/3271222071.html

my girls actin like a brat are you the woman for me

About to be single is almost the same thing as single, right? No. Starting a relationship with someone who is preparing to be single is a horrible idea. Maybe one of the worst dating ideas ever.

Probably Gay says: "NO DUDES PLEASE NOT MY PREFERENCE now like the posting says my girl is actin like a brat and don't know how good she has it gettin tired of her crap and now I'm looking I am about to be single I'm 26 own my own businesses construction-mechanics-landscapping-and computer repair I work a lot and this just makes it easier to find someone cause I usually stay busy yeah it comes with running ur own business I am a jack of all trades can fix anything I am 6ft tall 190 Lbs I'm not fat all muscle very athletic and loads of stamina ima bit on the kinky side have 10" pierced yeah you might want it a few times but can u handle it every night atleast 1 -3 times letting me hit that gut or throat without bieng too big shit I get tired of hearing that be my pornstar woman and take it all - all of the time whenever where ever I got a lot of fantasys to fulfill YOUR PIC GETS MORE OF MINE AND MY CELL NUMBER NO PIC NO REPLY AND AGAIN NO DUDES I AM STRAIGHT AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE WOMEN ONLY THANK YOU HAVE A NICE DAY"

Sounds like your girl's got it sweet with all that gut and throat hitting you're doing and stuff. Yea... 

How does someone like you own a business? Think out of all of this that is the really important thing here, because you seem like an idiot.  

 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3281655299.html

HELLO WOMAN

Bet he wants a sandwich.

Primitive Gentleman says: "LOOKING TO FIND A FRIEND IAM OUT GOING GUY THAT LIKE TO HAVE FUN. I NEED A FISHING BUDDY. LIKE CAMPING, RIDING HORSES.CANOEING. I LIKE TO BBQ A LOT. IAM 5/8 150LBS I LOOK 100% BETTER IN PERSON. I TAKE BAD PICS ....... SO U LOOKING FOR A GOOD MAN THATS ME IAM A PLUMBER I HAVE MY OWN PLACE IN THE COUNTRY ..... LET TALK THANK YOU.....SEND PIC OF YOU.I SEND MORE BACK....."

 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3269537205.html

Princess in Blue Jeans

Prince in Blue Jeans says: "Looking for a Woman Who looks good in her tight jeans,Yet is just as comfortable in alittle black skirt.. I'm looking for a special girl, she should be smart,pretty,Love faithfully,love kids,outdoors ,looking for long term,please no head games.She must be honest,not hung up on drugs,or past Love's..kids are great! would be a great Dad to them.I will devout my Life to you I ask for the same. If you are this girl I seek. Let our Love begin. if you think your my type,and can make me complete Let's talk.....please put Girlfriend in subject or will be deleted unread."

It's a bonus if you fit inside the white area of this picture.

 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3272909001.html

Use what ya have to motivate

 Are you looking for a community service project?

Think of your vagina as a carrot.....

Biggest Loser says: "I am looking for a woman to become my motivation. I am a tall, bald headed, fat guy that recently started working out and get exercise. I am looking for a woman that will act as my motivator to lose more weight. This is a very strange relationship request and may be considered more of an arrangement. But I am looking for the "HOT" currently out of my league, out of my reach woman that will motivate me to lose. I am not asking for you to "put out" tomorrow but however, maybe use it to reach certain goals set by my motivator. I'm looking for a sexy individual that is willing to NOT put out until which time i've reach certain goals and earned that reward. The person will be nice, soft, NOT a bitch, is willing to become a cheering section during exercise like basketball etc. Must be willing to be seen with me through out this relationship including in my "fat" state now. I am looking for arm candy so this person will need to be thin, look good in a bathing suit, (two piece) flirty, short, I prefer red hair over any but the darker your hair the better. I have a glasses fetish so if you wear those that is even better. Athletic with a good body proportion.

(You want a sexy, red head, with glasses who will come be your personal cheerleader for nothing in return but maybe the satisfaction of helping you?? It must be nice in that fantasy world of yours. Here in reality people have lives.)

Let's chat if this add intrigues you. There are no obligations to chat. (Really? Thought by reading this we were automatically under contract to chat with you. Whew...)

If you are a student and MSU that is a plus. A lot of my working out is being done at the NEW rec center. So I have been working out. I'm not looking for someone to do the work for me, just someone to get close too, build a relationship and hang with regularly, even work out with. I'm NOT looking for drama, I'm looking for a woman to use her power over men to the fullest to get ME motivated to eat right, lose weight and boost MY self confidence.
If you do not agree with this add then don't respond or post to it. To each their own.

Is my motivator out there? For the record I only need to lose about 85 lbs to be fit and thin.

I will only respond to replies with the subject line "Basketball". I've gotten a crap ton of spam."

 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3264892228.html

Nerdasaurus Rex, RAWR!!!

 CASEY!(TM) says: "Like to watch cartoons? Play video games? Peruse book stores? Listen to tons of music? Walk through thrift stores? Shoot down Spy planes with your laser eyes? WELL, then have I got the perfect man for you! It's CASEY!(TM), new from NERDY brand toys! CASEY!(TM) comes packed with Saxophone and Guitar attachments for realistic style playing action! CASEY!(TM) also comes with a MISSOURI STATE UNIVERSITY(TM) playset, in which to stage his many awesome, rad, and totally tubular Nazi killing adventures! Or you can just make him get a degree in Jazz Studies-Performance. You know, whatever you wanna do. CASEY!(TM) even comes with an enormous variety of taste in music and literature, including but not limited to Sufjan Stevens, Modest Mouse, the Tallest Man on Earth, Local Natives, fun., Mark Mothersbaugh, Flight of the Conchords, Busdriver, Aesop Rock, The Morning Benders, Andrew Bird, Surfer Blood, Mike Mignola, JRR Tolkein, Geroge RR Martin, Frank Miller, Miguel de Cervantes, Alan Moore, Warren Ellis, Garth Ennis, Isaac Asimov, and Theodore Sturgeon. CASEY!(TM) even loves movies! All kinds of movies! I mean, what else could you want? Huh? What do ya think punk? Huh? (Probably someone just a little bit more sane I'd suppose - Ed.) Hey, shut up Editor! This is my show 'round 'ere! (Yea, sure, Whatever - Ed.)

(woooo crazy talk and just when you thought it couldn't get any crazier he added in a fake person to talk to!)

*ahem*...

But in all seriousness, I'm a pretty normal dude with a weird sense of humour and a lot of arts-y interests who's looking for someone else to be in mutual weirdness with.

I'm about 5'11"-6' tall, 200 lbs. Preeeeeeeetty freaking average in that regard.

Indeed.

Also, I'm an Atheistic Agnostic. So, if you're not cool with people who don't prescribe to religion, then... well, yea, that kind of explains itself.

WHATEVS.

I hope to hear back from some cool/exciting/out there individuals and what not :3"

He can stick guitar picks to his forehead. 

He can also draw pictures of himself sticking guitar picks to his forehead. 

He wears the hideous sweaters his grandma gives him at Christmas....

 


He can grow some serious sideburns. 

And is awesome at pretending to be a warrior. 

That's something, right? 

On a side note, shooting down spy planes with our laser eyes does totally rock. Love that. Do it all the time. CASEY!(TM), however, is not the perfect man for us.

Cartoon depiction of Studs of Craigslist creator shooting down a spy plane with laser eyes.

 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3231958898.html

I need a well behaved fat girl

Unfiltered says: "The title says it all no bs no cry baby crap no kids just a deserving fat girl. I don't want your past stay out of mine, lets just role forward and keep it real. If you don't change the title to the email I will delete it."

"Well behaved fat girls" must be tripping over themselves to get to you. So, what exactly makes a fat girl deserving?  

 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3257886857.html

where is mess write not white now at

 That mangled mess of a title translates into "Where is Miss Right, not right now?", which is supposed to imply he is looking for a long term relationship or something of that sort.

Looking for Mess Write says: "womens needs r the most important in a relationship i cook for her i like to cuddle and my grandma tot me how to treat a women so look me up and we can chat some time kk"

How did your grandma teach you that? Blunt force to the head? Jeez...Maybe she should have taught you how to spell while she was at it.

 

http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3259611680.html

Modern Romance Monday 6

Tired of games, lookin for real intelligent females...

 

Mugshot?

http://bgky.craigslist.org/m4w/3253250581.html 

The High God of Mt. Olympus is searching for affection - 29 (The Westside)

And apparently he resides on the Westside. 

Zeus says: "Yes fair ladies of Portland, it is I, Zeus! Tremble with anticipation for I, the high God of Mt. Olympus am feeling randy! I have chosen Portland Oregon to be the city in which I sate my thirst for sweet mortal poon!

(Oh we're trembling! Just not with anticipation...)

I have been watching your city for many weeks now and I must say...nice. The city of Portland has more beautiful strong willed damsels than anywhere I have ever laid my godly eyes upon...even the Island of Lesbos, and those chicks are frickin' hardcore!

(When did Zeus become such an idiot?)


Lovely ladies of the Rose City, I do need your help however. Anyone who is familiar with my carousing antics knows that I change my shape in order to win over my intended bed-mate. Back in the day, this was easy. Oh, your village has a drought? Here, I'll change into rain. You don't die, and I get you wet (hey-oh). Oh, you're poor, guess what, I'm now lots of falling coins. She was nasty, really liked those golden showers (hey-oh). Oh, you like birds? Well BOOM, I'm a swan. Wait you like birds like that!?? Eww... By the way, Leda was gross.

What I'm getting at fair women of P-town, is I am at a loss of what to transform into to win your affection. Please respond with what you think I should appear as and I will. . .for you!"

How about an eco friendly tampon? Have a feeling that's the only way you're going to get near any "poon". 

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/3253429194.html

 

^^^ I will EAT THAT PuS^Y Like u have never had it ^^^

 Whoa...

Sexy White Guy says: "If you want mind blowing sex. Hit me with a pic and lets do this!! Oh Yea im a sexy white guy.."

Not sure you placed the ^ in the correct place to effectively censor the word pussy. Also don't know if Craigslist is the most promising place to shop around for mind blowing sex. A good deal on a couch? Sure. Sex? Oh yea. Mind blowing sex? Probably not.

 http://charleston.craigslist.org/m4w/3200816888.html

Can I be your Candy Man

Seeking Vagina, Does Not Discriminate says: "I am looking for someone who is not looking for money in exchange, but satisfaction (Hookers, he ain't got no money.). I desire a woman who thick is this in all the right places, nice legs, round ass, nice tits, and cute face. Race is no issue, because I don't discriminate. I would leave my number, but a photo will do. To reach me, reply with a real photo and what you want you would like to do. I just want a woman to feel good as I do, not just bust a nut and go (Such a gentleman.). I want you to feel like you belong to me, as I to you. I'm not looking for a wife or relationship (So in what way do you belong to each other? Obligatory booty calls?). I know most women refer to men as dogs, but I am here being up front as possible  (And since he is being upfront that he wants to hit and quit it he is not being a dog. He is a kind and honest soul.). I can keep it real with you as long as you keep it real with me (It's always good to close with a cliche saying.)."

Never heard of a Candy Man before, so I conducted a little research on the internet. According to good ole Google Candy Man refers to a song by the rapper Dirty. Here is a sample of the lyrics: 

"I'm killin' 'em softly every time I get 'em down on they knees. I know you want these N-U-T's"

"Silly whore don't you know that my game got you goin' for broke"

This next one is my personal favorite...
 
"When this night is over ain't no need for you to call me no mo' Cause I'm headed to the next show To get the next whore to scheme her outta all her dough"

A Candy Man kind of sounds like an asshole to me. Moral: Always do your research.

 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3249937015.html

News: Studs of Craigslist Donkey Retiring

As of today, the original Studs of Craigslist donkey is being retired. 

A little back story....

When I first created Studs of Craigslist I wasn't sure how successful or well received it would be, and I didn't want to put a lot into something that may turn out to be one of my great ideas that aren't actually all that great (Like that time I was going to be an astronaut....). So I created a free account on Blogger and lifted an image from a Google image search. Well, a little over a year later and Studs of Craigslist has 303 posts, nearly 13,000 visitors, and dedicated fans. I get emails from readers telling me they "laughed until they cried", thanking me for making their bad day better, and asking for more. I want to thank everyone for all of the support! 

In the near future Studs of Craigslist will be undergoing some changes and moving to a new site. The first order of business was acquiring the legal rights to our graphics (nobody likes to be sued). 

Last week I contacted Mike Barron, creator of Malcontent (an awesome web comic), and asked him to help me create a new and more representative image for the blog. You can see Mike's post on helping Studs of Craigslist out here: http://www.malcontent-comics.com/draw/2012/09/03/donkeys/

I think Mike did a great job of capturing the essence of Studs of Craigslist in his drawings and I look forward to working with him again in the future. If you are interested in contracting Mike, he can be contacted through his website http://www.malcontent-comics.com/draw/

Attractive, younger guy ISO attractive, older woman with skinny ankles

Skinny ankles, eh? Is that a round about way of saying not fat, or are belly rolls okay as long as the ankles are skinny?

John Smith Says:

"Hi,

I'm 23, 6'1" - One hundred eighty-five lbs., gainfully employed, stable, secure, attractive guy... I am open to adventures and to connecting with a kindred spirit with whom to share mutual interests, desires and explorations. If you are interested, I look forward to hearing from you - please include any more that you'd like to share about yourself + your pic(s).

J."


"....Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned? Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?..."

His kindred spirit has skinny ankles. 
 

What's going on with that jacket?

 

Hey, uh... maybe put the jacket back on. This is a little too "kindred". No we don't want your junk in our food. Thanks. 

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3218756123.html

Just looking. . .

Not Into Droolers says: "Just looking to take a young lady out to dinner Fri night. I will be house sitting here in Salem, be advised you'll need to travel. 18-25 and please be caucasian and slightly intelligent. I am an Army Reservist and a student."

Slightly intelligent? Hmmm.... 

Drools < Slightly intelligent < Reads books for fun

Is that right? Is that what you mean? You should be more specific. 

 http://louisville.craigslist.org/m4w/3238259162.html