Update on Nice Fun Loving Guy

Last month Nice Fun Loving Guy, who may or may not be a serial killer, offered to share his pool with a lucky woman if she fit into this bathing suit.

Sort of a modern day Cinderella story, if you will.

Browsing the personals this fine evening we came across his latest ad.

Nice Fun Loving Guy (read: Serial Killer) says: "WANTED one fun sexy girl to come hang out today. chillin by the pool,cause its super hot out."

We regret to inform you that the bathing suit is no longer available. We are hoping it is gone because the last woman (see photo) got away and not because blood stains don't come out. Details have not been offered by NFLG at this time.

http://columbia.craigslist.org/m4w/2504114282.html

Selfish a-hole that can be very affectionate

If that's not a description of a winner we don't know what is.

Affectionate A-hole says: "I am a selfish asshole that can be very affectionate . I am good looking and can be very charming.I like to cuddle and I like to show a girl off if she is cute (If you're not cute he'll still do you but requires 3 feet of personal space in public). I enjoy buying girls flowers. I am an asshole at times though but Ima working on it. lol I get angry at things and get mad when I dont get my way. Not like a kid but kinda. I will eventually level myself out and grow but I really want to find someone to help shape my life. Is that bad? (Yes) I want a girl that makes me want to be a better man. Someone that motivates me, challenges me and likes adventure (New way of describing domestic violence).
THere has to be another of the opposite sex that shares my traits.
EMail me and we can swap pics or yours gets mine. No fatties please, and if you talk with that annoying drawn out southern redneck thing and it is noticable you can avoid the awkward
time that I make fun of you when I realize it. And please no crazy ex boyfriends, I dont like fighting. Im 6 foot 165lbs for gods sake and last time I got into an altercation i was kidney punched and peed blood for a week. Jackass, I am honest though, sometimes too honest maybe. I will be there for you and I wont back down or lie. (: "


So he'll look good while beating the crap out of you. When he's done he'll give you a hug and buy you some flowers. Or does the beating and verbal abuse come after? Eh...either way there's some flowers and love in it for you somewhere in the mix. A little something we like to call sugar n spice.

http://savannah.craigslist.org/m4w/2523561734.html

date/cuddle

Since he has no job there really isn't a date. It's just cuddling on his couch or bed. Your choice.  He's nice like that. With this bad economy it's probably a good idea to skip the romantic dinners that lead to years of bad marriage and kids who will only suck the life out of you... Just get straight to the crappy dates on the couch watching tv. That's where you'll end up anway.

 Mr. No Ambitions says: "Any one wanna go on a date, and possibly watch tv and chill in my bed of couch and cuddle, lol. This might sound creepy, but i don't go to school and i have no job, and the bars only have trashy fat slags, so i've no way to meet chicks, if any actual cool girls see this, hit me up."

It doesn't sound creepy, it sounds lame. The real reason you are not picking up women at bars is because you are broke. Otherwise, you'd be all over it but even the "trashy fat slags" have some standards.

http://sarasota.craigslist.org/m4w/2523281333.html

Some girls need training, guidance, leadership and discipline

Some guys need to lay off the crack.

High as a Kite says: "Politics and political correctness aside, some girls need a man to be a man. To take control and to make decisions. You're such a girl. You're smart, you're sane and this is what you want - not because you don't have options, but simply because it is what you want. No other reason is needed. You need a man to take you, to train you, and to mold you into the girl you always knew you could become. His. His girl. My girl. Trained. Owned. Loved."

We are all for putting political correctness aside and yes many WOMEN do need a man to be a man. Get a job, pay bills, treat them with love and respect...that sort of thing. No one who is smart or sane is out there looking for an a-hole to own them. Put down that pipe and head over to the pets section of Craigslist. Get yourself a nice dog to train, own, and love...you are clearly confused about what you are looking for.

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/2526077894.html

Talented artist looking for sweet girlfriend- 41 (se 16th & stark)

BEWARE! The homeless have infiltrated the personal ads to further their mission to mooch. You have the damn public library system providing free internet access to thank for that one.

His title should read "Bum looking for someone I can take advantage of". He's provided the crossroads of the corner he's currently pan handling at in case you want to pick him up later.

Stuart the Flamboyant Bum says: "Hello, My name is Stuart. I am a full time artist/painter and a very good person. I have been represented by a professional/established gallery for over 10 years. I recently (about a year ago) went through a relationship break up with my girlfriend of 9 years. At this same time, my gallery owner decided to close the gallery and move his life in a new direction. As a result of these two things (He is homeless), I have found myself in transition and a little out of sorts (Drugs do that). What I would love is to find a new girlfriend that is a lover of the arts, has some stability in her life and is a good person (To share said stability).
I am a monogamous, faithful, attractive (a bit flamboyant) (A lot flamboyant) guy that believes that being in a couple makes you stronger than being on your own. I'm looking for someone that is pretty, open minded, likes to hang together (cook, go to social gatherings, talk about life). I do like to drink coffee, some beer and I roll my own cigarettes (You will need to provide those items). I don't have a car but (comes with his own cardboard box) am very capable & independent and I don't need a lot of stuff to make me happy (He'll take whatever you have). I would love to find a woman that is into one on one communication, having an intimate relationship and would be open to living together and perhaps would have a place for me to paint (Notice how moving in together is automatically her place with space for him).
You can respond to this posting with a phone number or an email and I will get back to you quickly.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

I have personal reference if you'd like any."

Who provides personal references to date? 

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/2525917188.html

Tip of the Week

Each week we'll offer some obvious advice for improving your personal ad experience and keeping yourself off of the Stud List.

Last week's tip was on perspective and how it is best to always write as one's self. This week's tip provides additional guidance on how to write a personal ad. 

An ad should describe yourself and what you are looking for. In addition to your physical attributes, interests, and goals it is common to disclose status. A simple "I'm available" or "I'm single" is a great way to do this. If you find yourself writing things like "I just recently got out of a really bad relationship," or "I just got out of a relationship that ended badly, she didn't really love me," and "I went broke in NC trying my luck at getting back together with my ex. It didn't work out, and now I sleep on a floor" followed by derogatory terms directed at women in general...you probably still have bitter feelings about your past relationship and should refrain from dating until these feelings have subsided. Using strong or offensive language to describe what you are not looking for in a partner is counterproductive. Words like "whores, retards, and stupid" scare away the nice women you are searching for and attract "crazy bitches" in a similar manner that manure attracts flies. 

For fine examples of what not to do please refer to Resencently located, must love dogs, and our personal favorite Hello, horrible, crazy internet bitches.

We'd like to thank our audience for their continued support. We've had a successful couple of weeks here on the web and hope you enjoy reading the blog as much we enjoy writing it. Until next week....

                                                                 
                                                  Happy dating!