Harold & Maude in reverse

Retired Fisherman says: "I'm a retired fisherman (sometimes eloquent profanity will roll right off my tongue) who needs to make up for all the sexual deprivation lost while being at sea. I'm wanting to find someone who is shorter than me and weighs at least 50 lbs less than me so we look good together. I want to be able to carry you in perilous times. No STD'S . I don't care if you work-out or do crack just as long as your thin and in shape like me."

You haven't tried every diet out there till you take up smoking crack. Eat whatever you want... oh no, wait... that's not right... crack doesn't leave you with much of an appetite.... but it's sure to get you back into those size 1 jeans! and leave you without teeth... who needs those when you don't eat?

Retired Fisherman also says: "...someone who doesn't mind a good bottle of wine, king crab , smoked salmon , creamed cheese and a Vicodin for a late night snack..."

That sounds like the making of date rape.  

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/m4w/2799278395.html