Friday, March 30, 2012

Not so simple

Asshole says: "I have no idea how to write a message to a potential girl without sounding like an asshole. So instead I will list some facts about myself. Respond if you are interested. Simple right? (You tell us. The title of your personal ad is "Not so simple", soooo which is it?)

-6.5 feet tall
-Blue eyes
-I go to the gym
-I ride a motorcycle
-Own my own car
-Am not hurting for money
-In school, will be out soon
-Bright future?
-Willpower and drive
-Good in conversation
-Many interests
-Have worked since age 15
-Not a little bitch (Extra bonus points for not being a little bitch!)
-Can cook dinner
-It will taste great
-Terrible at ping pong (Think that's a deal breaker. And things were going so well...)
-Moderately ok at Bowling
-Kick ass at pool
-Pretty decent boyfriend
-Or so I'm told
-Your father will love me
-Your mom will invite me over for dinner
-I will play in the snow with you
-Not a cheap bastard
-Never smell bad
-Usually smell good actually
-You can take me out in public
-You would probably find me attractive
-I'll be getting better looking every day
-Something to look forward to right?
-Do not use tobacco
-Drink very rarely
-420 now and again
-Kinda look like the guy in the pic (Kinda? By any chance know how we can get in contact with him?)
-Just not quite as sexy
-Well, not yet at least (Probably not ever.)
-Generally a happy guy

-A lot more humble than this list makes me out to be

I don't really have any specific requirements with what I'm looking for. I would prefer you to be 5'8" or better. Cute would be a plus (How about 1 beer cute?). I also am not very interested in women who can not seem to regulate their cookie intake (Can anyone regulate their cookie intake? They're cookies. They're delicious. Nevermind....). Intelligence is nice. Other than that I'm actually a pretty good guy. Even if I sound intimidating (Intimidated. That's exactly why women won't be emailing you.) send me an email anyway. Worst that happens is nothing right?
Would probably be a good time to add that I am generally put off by whores (Think we may just be too different. This isn't going to work out. It's you.). Might be why I don't enjoy picking women up in bars and clubs. Please be a little ladylike if sending pictures. I'm sure you have some awesome tits but I'd prefer a little mystery instead of a fake tan and a set of pierced nipples staring back at me when I open your email. I probably won't be impressed (So there's a small chance you might be??? Topless, fake tan, pierced nipple pic coming your way!!!).

Oh, and when you send an email could you put "mystery" for the subject? (Nope.) Will help me sort through all the giant dick ads  I'm sure I'll get from posting this. Thanks :)" (May you get many giant dick ads.)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Turtle Porn

This video is not from Craigslist, and doesn't have anything to do with Craigslist, but we believe it accurately represents what intimacy with studs found on Craigslist must be like. Please make sure the volume on your computer is turned on.

Got a funny caption for these pictures? Send them to to be featured on the blog!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

i want a girlfriend that wants other women

Wants to be Inlove says: "I would love to be inlove with one woman! One woman that wouldn't mind bringing home her girlfriends to play with from time to time...
If you're interested, write back and let get to know each other.."

Remember if you don't spell it correctly, it doesn't count. 

"I said I wanted to be 'inlove', not in love. I don't even know what the fuck 'inlove' is. Do you? Maybe I was drunk. Damn. Now, stop flapping your lips... I'm busy plowing your friend!" Or something along those lines.

I want a GF/roomate

Real Easy on the Eyes Says:

"I never had a roomate/girlfriend
i want a girl to come live with me,
downtown ithaca apt 2bdrms
help me with rent
help me with some great sex
we got the whole summer!
i am real easy on the eyes
i got a job
D&D free non drinker ex smoker
no pets you can't bring any
i have pet bird
you should be 30-45
have job!
have a brain as well.
are not a drunken alchy
if you smoke you must smoke OUTSIDE!!!!!!!
pitch in with cleaning apt
be my friend
be my lover
be MY G.F."

Okay... Why don't you just look for a girlfriend? What is going on with the roommate thing? Girlfriends typically pitch in with rent. It doesn't necessarily make them a roommate. They even clean and go for the occasional ride on the baloney pony. So, you're either roommates that sleep together or you are in a relationship. Have you never lived with a woman? Have you dated a woman? Blow-up dolls do not count. 

Being that you are 45 and have never had a "roommate girlfriend", we're guessing you are not all that easy on the eyes and based off of this "roommate girlfriend" fantasy you have here, you are probably extremely challenged in the maturity department as well. By any chance do you still collect comic books? How many pairs of super hero underwear do you own? 

So many questions (sigh).... 

Real Easy on the Eyes' ad was submitted to Studs of Craigslist by a reader. Thanks! Reader submissions are always appreciated.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Shiny Spandex Guy: Part 4

Shiny Spandex Guy says: "Classy, professional, successful SWM 44, tall and slender, looking for a physically attractive, healthy, d&d free, height-weight proportionate single, white or asian female to live with me.
My truly great home is a large, neat/clean, beautiful 3br/2ba brick ranch styled house in southeast Charlotte.
High definition cable, road runner high speed internet, private bathroom, washer and dryer, dishwasher, security system, exercise bike, private patio/back yard, and LOTS LOTS MORE (Don't forget the lingerie, cat suits, and sex toys!).

Must have no pet allergies, have no pets, own a car (I am not on a bus line), open to contributing 'something' to monthly bills eventually (amount would be negotiable and depending on your current income), and you must be healthy.

If seriously interested, please put your name and age in the subject line of your email, and include 2 clear, recent photos (including at least one full body photo).
Tell me about yourself. Short emails with no substance/body will likely get ignored/deleted.

Look forward to hearing from you!"

Check out his shiny gold boxers! HOT!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Any sexy blk or mexican and marriage

How about we pass on the baby and marriage, and just get straight to the MONEY!!! Because really, what kind of woman is going to be on board for something like this? Imagine explaining how you met to friends and family (assuming you have any). "I just couldn't resist the way he so selflessly wanted to share his seed...  And lucky for me I was black or mexican!"

Sucker says: "Hi im looking for a sexy lady who wants to get pregnant and marriage im a hard working 32 wht m ddree good looking to start this asap so if your for real with no bs or drama text me pic and number"

oral stimulation

Hurry! This is a limited time offer!!!

In the Mood says: " in the mood to give oral pleasure in the next hour. Put "YES" in the subject so i know u are real"

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

looking for love

Reacently Devorced says: "im reacently (Never realized "recently" was a difficult word to spell until I started writing this blog) devorced after 20 years,, i was fathfull (It's not lying if you don't spell it right. "I never said I was 'faithful', I said I was 'fathfull'. You know what they say about assuming shit, right?") those 20 years i was married,,my x left me for a younger man off the internent,,,im kind careing and am looking for the same,,, ,,,ready to date, lets chat,,im owen a real man not a pirv,. ok i will not go to anouther site ,,if you wont to meet for a date you will have to text me or e mail me k,,,im reacently devorced,,if your married or single looking for a man to spend time with or married tired of the same old same old every day thing just text me or e mail me ok im a stright forward man that nows how to treat a lady,,im loving careing,,love life ,,, wont a lady that is willing to say she wonts the same out of life,, too so you see my picture and you now my number dont be scared to contact me ,,, verry truely yours owen thank you for the time,,long walks holding hands and looking at the stars,, just enjoying,,, is there any real women left out there"

Here's another Stud who struggled with "recently" Click Here

still single

How can that be??

Still Single says: "I'am white 5'10 200 black hair, hazle eyes looking for an outgoing, careing, sweet girl that like to have fun. got to love the outdoors and going camping, fishin. I grew up on a farm in LaRue County but you dont have to be a country girl i like city girls too (Oh good!). I hope i hear from ya. put ur favorite color in the subject box so i know you are real"

Was this really the best picture you could come up with? In a dirty white shirt, holding a fish by the lip, from 4 years ago? Scared to see what you look like now. Have a feeling that gut of yours has expanded quite a bit.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

How would you survive a zombie apocalypse???

Apocalypse Ponderer says: "Simple question..
How would you survive a zombie apocalypse???

Why would I ask such a question whilst trying to meet someone? Because it's quite possibly the easiest way to weed out boring people from creative fun people... So answer it and lets get this party started! By the way.. a little about me.. I am a 27 year old graphic designer wondering if anyone in the area would like to chat, go out to eat, catch a movie, something.. But first.. answer the question.. then.. THEN.. we can possibly move onto the rest."

That's easy! First thing is to trip you and buy ourselves some time. Then, we'll evaluate the situation  and figure it out from there. Too many variables to really come up with a solid plan. Getting the wieners out of the way seems like a good place to start though.

Monday, March 19, 2012


Eyes on the Sun says:

"as the title reads. (Yea... we're a little confused about that. What exactly does that mean?)
if you are not between 18 and 35 years old and not a real female,do not reply.
30 male, divorced, white, decent looking, in quest for a good nice sweet- down to earth , dd free, girl, with good personality for dating and maybe more in the future.

put the word "sun" in the title box when you reply.
and send picture of you and i'll do the same via e-mail."

Are you blind? Trying to go blind to collect disability benefits??? Do you enjoy the black spotty effect of staring at direct light? What's going on here?

easy going.. have my shit together

Has Chairs says: "I'm a 25 year old male, with a career, house, and 2 cars (and 4 chairs).. been single for a while looking for someone to be a friend and have some fun doing things like camping Going to sporting events and just relaxing around house..."

In these chairs. In his garage.... 

If you bring your sister and second cousin, you could have yourself a rip roaring game of musical chairs! Sweeeet.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Your Place; What Time?

Kung Fu Master says: "Don't be shy I'm waiting for you, yeah you. Young face skilled hands and a very strong will, but will talk about all that later cause I'm down for pretty much whatever. Send me a pic of that sweet ass (or face haha) and we'll go from there."  

You can check out our sweet ass here 

Cue the music! Click here 

Oh Louisville, you never disappoint....  Here's another wiener from Louisville, Thrill Seekers Only. Starting to think it's not the best place for single women to live.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

You Must Be Crazy! Seriously!!!

An opportunity for the crazies out there! Hooray! Because providing crazies with the possibility to reproduce is exactly what we need more of in this world.

Seeking Crazy says: "Recently Separated. I have children. I spend time with my children EVERY DAY! My ex-wife lives with me and our children and that is not going to change any time soon. We sleep in different rooms, alternate "nights out" and weekends off... We continue to be good friends and partners in parenting who are trying to make our situation as easy as possible for each other. I am self employed but not rich. Most of my money is spent feeding my children and paying my mortgage... That is not to say that I'm broke, but I am on a budget... I love my old beat up Camry. I am well dressed, clean and always "Presentable" but I am NOT overly concerned with my looks or lack of style. I'm smart, well educated, quite a "smart ass" and have a Monty Pythonesque sense of humor. I am 5.5, 145 lbs, very athletic. I spend about 16 hours a week working out. Although I would like to have a strong, long-term, emotionally fulfilling relationship, I do understand the limiting factors of my current "situation" and my new partner should as well! I am looking for a woman who is inclined to sexual experimentation and is comfortable with a more "alternative" sexual lifestyle. I believe that GREAT SEX happens between partners who understand each others desires and fetishes and go out of their way to please one another. There has to be a give and take both ways in a good relationship! ;) I'm looking for a good natured, Easy Going, Freak Nasty, one of a kind Open, Honest & Emotionally Mature ... Partner... If you're still reading and thinking that I sound like a perfect or at least acceptable "Partner" then, You're probably Freaking Nuts ... And therefore exactly the woman I'm looking for. I can talk, text, trade pics, or whatever makes you feel comfy before we meet in person... So, hurry up, what are are waiting for?! ;)"

 Bonus points if you also look like a rhino!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

sexy cowboy looking

Sexy Cowboy says: "Read closely before responding. If you have any rejection's to anything below, Do NOT respond, don't waits my time (What?), cause i won't be a waist of you'rs!!!(Wouldn't want you to be a "waist" of ours either. Not even really sure how that would work. Our time probably already has a waist. A slim one.... yeeea.)  My name is Tyler, I'm 25, no kids, and I'm looking for a jump into everything, long term relationship. I don't mind if you have children. I am not gay or no (Not feeling the conviction in that statement. You sure? You can take some time to think about it.), so no guys reply. I'm also not into big girls, sorry. Thick is fine, not big though. I am real, you must be as well (Arrrgh....if only I were a real girl.). If your not ready for a long term, and are not frisky, do not reply. I'm ready for everything, including sex, so if I like you, I'm gonna wanna do it (Nice.). Maybe even on first night (Extra nice.), who knows (We know.). So if you won't, or are not down with that, don't reply. (Okay...)


Monday, March 12, 2012

FlourDaddy Looking for a FlourBaby

FlourDaddy Says: "Sometimes in life, you have to look out for yourself. Sometimes you run a little low of coins. What you gona do? There are a few things you really enjoy doing so, why not make a few coins doing it. I don't see anything wrong with two willing adults working out a mutual friendship. NOW, you got the picture, now get the goods. Place "COINS" in the subject area so I will know you are not a DUMBASS. Send me a few revealing pics of your HOT body that you think will make me want to call you..............Don't send me NO BULLSHIT website to chase.....Homey don't play that game."

Wait, what? Who's giving who coins? Maybe the coffee hasn't quite kicked in yet, but we don't get your code speak. 

So confused.... And we might really be interested in this too, if we just knew what was going on. Where do we put the coins??? ahhh!

Saturday, March 10, 2012



His words, not ours.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Tall Black Male No Drama

College Educated says: "Hey, Looking to kick it get to know some real women. Love to laugh hang out don't take life so serious, I'm pretty much down to do anything fun. Im 6'5 Black and Native American no drugs, rarley drink, no drugs. I am college educated, I have a job,let me know if you want to talk and get to know each other"

And what college might that have been? Want to make sure we never go there. Thanks. 

Look at all the different ways he can wear a hat. Now if only he could figure out how to get a shirt on, he'd be good as gold.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Need some extra cash?

Found a prosperous opportunity for our readers. Times are hard. We're here to help! That's what we do. Or something....

Amateur Photographer/Serial Killer says: "Just looking for an attractive lady to pose nude for some sexy photos at a safe location, ie hotel (Because no one ever gets killed and dismembered in hotels...), etc. and maybe fool around a little. Compensation for the photo shoot. Contact me with a pic (nude would be nice but not necessary) for more more info." 

He might have better luck after tax season is over. Those refund checks make us all a little less desperate.

just got out of prison need a friend - 38

Free Bird says: "Looking for a friend may lead to longterm (Like the sentence he just served... O_O ). Your pick gets mine."

What kind of pick? Ice pick? "Killing each other will bring us sooo close together." 

Ahhhh, picture you mean. Jailhouse education just isn't what it use to be.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

be the queen of my domain - 48

The Almighty Ruler says: "I'm a youthful, good-looking, sexy, resourceful, dominant Renaissance man, brilliant gentleman farmer, entrepreneur, editor/publisher/essayist/screenwriter/author, musician, cook-baker-preserver-butcher-brewer (Are you just hoping one of these catches a keyword search?). I.e., I know how to live off the land--and in style, comfort, luxury. Cash-poor at the moment (Ahhh, we see where this is going.), but rich in property (8-acre farm with spacious, comfortable house), talents, contentment and lifestyle. Seeking an employed woman (mmm hmmm...), 25-45 or so, attractive, fit/rounded, who is attracted to the above and would be ready/willing/able soon to move in for the "reality-show" romance-adventure of a lifetime (Of course by that he means pay his mortgage.). Reply WITH recent, representative photo, put "My King!" (LOL) in subject line so I know it's not spam and that you have the right attitude. I'll leave it up to you how much else to say in your email, but points you could address if you wish are why this could be a fit for you and why I should take a chance on you vs. all the other flighty, self-absorbed, unreliable/psycho women I've encountered in the past couple years. (Oh please, please choose us to pay your bills!!!!)(One, very recently, broke my heart--yes, I have one. Worst she was was unreliable (She wasn't paying the bills on time every month.); otherwise, wonderful (But you liked her vagina?). At least the experience left me confident that passion--and my peak performance, reminiscent of twenty years ago--is still possible. I was afraid I'd left that behind for good as the appealing part of past problematic relationships, marriage.) If you have children, indicate that you are prepared to ally/consult/collaborate with me to properly raise them not to be spoiled, irresponsible, whiny, uncooperative, underachieving brats. I'm not a tyrant or an abuser, I'm pretty laid back, but ultimately parents'/adults' responsibility to kids is to raise them to be not only happy and autonomous but to be able to survive and thrive in their eventual independence (Ya know... giving them the boot.).

We haven't even met you and you're already talking about co-parenting our kids? O_o

And here's a news flash: If we're paying the bills, we're wearing the pants.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Shiny Spandex Guy. Yes, again....

Shiny Spandex Guy has become a regular around here. If you're not familiar with him, check out these other blog posts:

Do You Share my Fetish?

Shiny Spandex Guy is Back

Shiny Spandex Guy says: "High-tech city guy (SWM), 44 yrs old, looking for a healthy, height-weight proportionate, single, white or asian lady who is full of pleasant, engaging personality, for friendship and possible romantic, everlasting relationship. Please love cats, video/board gaming, the beach, and kinky playtime."

And here's the latest picture of him...

Shiny Spandex Guy, at the risk of sounding like a stalker... that's not your house in the back there and ummm.... that's not your car. Who are you kidding? Wonder if he ever got that 50" TV he's been talking about. If women don't like you for you and your weirdness, attracting them with other random people's stuff really isn't the best route to go. Have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of Shiny Spandex Guy. Stay tuned.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I Want to Cuddle

Is that right?

Wants to Cuddle says: "I am apretty down to earth guy. I like to cook (Meth or crack? Makes all the difference of whether or not we're interested.). I listen to all different kinds of music. My favorite is probably a mixture of rock and rap. I am currently teaching myself how to play guitar. I am not very good yet (Somehow that's not surprising.). Mostly just dont like fake people (Hmmm...Yea... Can see that. Wait, does anyone like fake people??? No. No they do not. Way to narrow that down.). I am kind of shy at first (Most molesters are.). Pretty much keep to myself most of the time (Getting butt raped in jail does that to a person.), but that is getting old. Anything else you want to know, just ask. Hope to hear back from you." 

We've got a question for you....

What the hell are you doing? Are you bow legged? Are you getting ready to take a dump? Or are you trying to show off your "6 pack"? Think you left it in the fridge there, buddy.

These are just a few things that come to mind when we see this picture....

Wants to Cuddle's ad was submitted to Studs of Craigslist by a reader. 
Thank you! 

Reader submissions are always appreciated : )

Swamp Creature is Back?!

Wow, thought he'd surely find love with his last ad.  Wonder what happened? Well,  you know what they say... One man's junk is another man's treasure. 

Swamp Creature says: "i am a single white 35 year old male looking 4 my queen. i have my own place (May or may not be a dilapidated trailer. More than likely is.) and a car (Comes with "get away smoke" for out running the man. Sweeet.) i make ends meets (Making ends meet, meeting ends. Potato, potahto.). i am down to earth ,laid back (Uh huh... we could keep decoding this but you probably got the picture by now.) and i will treat u like the queen (Figured out the strings weren't the problem, huh?) that u are so if u r real and interrested hit me up asap.i am real and not into all the bs and the game"

We'll spare you the latest picture of his "treasure".

*Ad contains nude images of male genitalia. View at your own discretion. Not suitable for all audiences.*


Sunday, March 4, 2012

Are you looking for a sweet ass?

Of course you are!

Don't be shy.... Get you some of that sweet ass! 

Hey dipshit, put some pants on. Your ass is not so nice that we need to be "blessed" with seeing it in your personal ad. TIA.