Monday, December 31, 2012

Looking for an ongoing F.W.B. - 27

 He's a stud!



Dane says: "Hello ladies my name is Dane, i am 27 five ft. seven ins. medium built hazel eyes just looking for A friends w/ benefits nothing serious i like too watch wrestling,and workout be between the ages of 21-69 just be o.k. ta meet me some where's and pick me up because i don't drive we can either go back to your pl,ace are have some car fun it'll be up too you so if this sounds what you are looking for send me an e mail i am so sick of b.s. spam so too weed out spam put NO PROBLEM in the subject line w/ a picture if you got one if not no worries JUST BE REAL !!!"

He doesn't have any sleeves, wheels, or standards. That's our kind of man!

http://knoxville.craigslist.org/m4w/3512055918.html

Monday, December 17, 2012

Arm amputee seeks long legged beauty - 39

Get yourself some stump lovin'!

Capt'n Hook says: "Arm amp seeking a wicked woman to have an evil night out ! If you want something different let's go out. I'd love to undress you with my hook and rub you all over with my stump. Let's hook up."


Ya know making fun of disabled people is wrong. It's wrong until someone goes and says "I want to rub you all over with my stump". Then it's acceptable. Having a stump doesn't give you a free ticket to be weird.



 http://bham.craigslist.org/m4w/3465851482.html

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Attractive and looking for large woman to wear Ninja Turtle outfit. - 30

Different strokes for different folks. 

Ninja Turtle Enthusiast says: "Yep like the ad says the bigger the better. I am looking for someone who would dress up in ninja turtle outfit and hit me with a stick. Must be very healthly and be willing to try new things. Must put Cowabunga in the subject line for me to reply."

Hmmm.... Are you providing the outfit and stick? What if we don't wear the outfit and just hit you with the stick?



  http://bham.craigslist.org/m4w/3476952365.html

Thursday, December 6, 2012

FOR ALL LADIES!!!!!! TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL!!!!!! - 32

 All ladies, except the unattractive ones with 1000's of miles on them who are bitches.

Super Freak says: "ya'll kill me. ya'll want us to be this drawn up images of unobtainable perfection. guess what? all those guys are married, or gay, or in prison. the cliche is true. and unfortunately, for whatever reason you missed the boat. maybe you're a bitch, or ugly,or stupid or have poor charachter judgement skills. but for whatever reason it just isnt working out how you planned. or how mommy told you it was going to work. got your attention? i am not going to go all the way in. if you are not perceptive enough then you've probably eliminated yourself by now already anyway and thats good because if you havent been able to keep up thusfar then you arent who im looking for anyway. i am a complicated, educated, working my way up the professional ladder, aspiring, still decently in shape and healthy, fun loving, witty, charming (When do we get to the educated, witty, and charming part?).....need i continue? oh yeah...i am a SUPER freak. i LOVE to eat pussy. of course i love to fuck, but for some reason, i really love to eat pussy. seriously. and of course, naturally, after years of practice (On his hand.), im really good at it (Or so his hand tells him.). plenty more to tell. plenty of pics if interested. now if youve made it this far this is what im wanting from you. first off i PREFER white women. please dont NOT message me if you are black.....again slowly......dont....NOT ....message me bc you're black. uurrrggghhh. message me if your black too. i just said i PREFER white women. (fuck it. if you got it you got it. if you didnt dont worry about it) so i like white girls? sue me. ok.....if you are between the ages of 21 and 30 i would like you to be independent, goal oriented, confident, and of course sexual. please be able to hold a conversation, know remedial things......like what remedial means, not be clingy and if you liked football and know what time 4:20 is then hmu and we can see where this goes. if you are 31-45 you MUST be attractive. sorry i know its shallow but lets face it if i have to drive a car with a feww thousand miles on it, it better be a Benz. feel me? now since that just elimanted a vast majority of this age bracket my remaining criteria isnt very demanding, especially since you older ladies already know what your looking for. But i would like you be a professional but not a bitch. for some reason professional women are always bitches. its the power i know. anyway......confident, open minded, and yes i want you to let me suck on your pussy massively too. thats why you gotta be attractive.....duh.(duh) (yall probably think im exaggerating on this pussy eating thing...NOT) ok real quick, what i want from all this? just someONE cool, on my level, that i can hang out with. someone i can talk about current affairs with or who's playing monday night without the pressures, dramas, stigmas, or bullshit. i am not looking for a one night stand. i am not looking to meet several women on here. i am looking for MY ideal image of a companion. if you've made it this far, which is partially why i wrote this long post, then it could hopefully be you. lastly, see that bottle in the pic? put the name in the subject bar when you reply and we can go from there. i hope YOU are reading this"

It would have to take one special lady to be interested in him. Special, as in slow. Real slow. 



 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3459035660.html

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

fixed male - 51

He's been neutered. 

Fixed Male says: "Hey, I am a 51 yr old, 6'4", healthy, guy from Eugene. I have lived here for most of 14 years. I'm living next to LCC. With friends I have know for 8 years ( stable couple) (He is mooching their stability for his own image).  I have not been married or had kids. I have not been in jail (county or state) (Never thought to inquire whether "never been to jail" meant one or both.). I am a passing intellectual and a lefty/libertarian. Although I was raised super religious and served 3 years in the Marines, I am neither! I'm looking for a longer term relationship. Pretty sure I would not like to move in together but nights over would be great. I have never been clingy mean or jealous. I would expect the same. I am not some one who cheats. If someone is worth being with they should be good enough until things are over. My life in not filed with drama although I like to think I deal with crises well. I have done a lot of traveling: Hawaii Seattle Eastern Oregon. I always come back to Eugene. Any town that Rush Limbaugh hates must be great. I am mostly a stay at home guy but this leads to strong needs to travel. I am of course willing to cancel future travel or limit it for you. I will warn you I am not well off. I make about $1000 a month. I am working on this (How so? By finding a girlfriend with a job, perhaps??). I surrendered the car for a bus pass and a bike. And I'm loving it (Sure you are.). Please don't let my age fool ya. Most of my friends are around 35. I'm looking for someone who is at least a little silly and care free but not nuts. I'm good at sniffing out nuts (Are you?!). It only takes a few simple sentence/questions to ferret out most . I don't like most popular music, shows, media but i love music movies media. I like foreign music (india, asia,middle eastern) . One last thing for now, no heavies (Because grown men living at their friends', without stable employment, and no car can be picky like that!).



While you're sniffing out the nuts , you might want to go ahead and take a whiff of yourself. Lookin' kind of nutty.


http://eugene.craigslist.org/m4w/3410550961.html

An understanding companion?

Self-Proclaimed BHM say: "I am a BHM which is the male version of a BBW."


He is seeking an understanding companion. Someone who won't mind that he doesn't know what the word handsome means. And looks like he is in a perpetual state of belching.


  http://eugene.craigslist.org/m4w/3405116687.html

Monday, November 26, 2012

Lonely? That sick feeling in your gut at night when you are alone?


Geeky Type says: "I'm at a similar place. I moved to the area after a family member had some health problems.

I've never been the type to just run out and try to get into a relationship just for the sake of having one, and that isn't quite what I am looking for either. Yet being the kind of person I am, it is very easy to miss things like cuddling, watching a TV\movies with someone, cooking dinner together, etc.

I was hoping to find someone in a similar situation and feeling as me who might want to talk and spend time together to occasionally fill the gaps with those things we miss so we can avoid the occasional pains of loneliness that tend to creep in at night.

Feel free to contact me if you'd like to learn more about me. To give you a quick general idea, I'm not the alpha\cowboy type. I'm more the geeky type with various creative\artistic hobbies, and an odd sense of humor. I once changed the rules of the boardgame Monopoly to be a 1vs1 drinking game for example (The other player was his cat, of course)."

Pic related: Me and my cat pretending to eat a Thanksgiving dinner together (Sure you're pretending?).


 Don't worry. They're in an open relationship. 


 http://portland.craigslist.org/clk/m4w/3434511806.html

Dear Santa - 50

 'Tis the season....

"Dear Santa:

For Christmas I want you to bring me a Christmas Bride. Not for this year because I realize that it is going to take some time for the two of us to get to know each other and to build a long lasting relationship. Santa, you and I both know that real love takes time. Now, before you go hitching up the reindeer and dashing to the far corners of the earth to find her, let me tell you what kind of woman I think would be good for me.

I am looking to find a woman who loves being a woman. A woman who is a girly-girl. A woman who has a job and knows what she wants in life. If she is deaf and/or knows sign language, that is fine because I am studying that. If she desires to be free of cooking, that is great, because Santa, you know I like to cook. If she likes all those Christmas programs on Hallmark, and Lifetime channel, this time of year, that is cool because I will take time to watch them with her. But, if she is into watching lots of sports, maybe you better pass on that one. But, if she will give me time, you know, I can make her happy.

Oh, and Santa, if she has kids, that is OK, because I have two sons, that don't live with me but are with their mother in California, as you know. Oh, and just a note, Santa, I think they were pretty good this last year so go ahead and give them what they asked for.

Now, Santa, you know I am NOT looking for a one night stand. You know I am not looking to just get a little action under the mistletoe or even behind closed doors. I want the long term thing that I had once and that you and Mrs. Clause have had. So, just have her be 35-50, liking all kinds of music, and be someone who won't mind if I am not the dancing type. You know Santa, I am the watch the sun rise and set kind of guy and not a party animal. OK, I know you have seen me drink a little wine, now and then, but always at home. You know I don't smoke or do drugs and you know that I don't have any STDs. But, if you would, Santa, send me a cure for this cold I got when I flew to California this last month, I would appreciate it.

OK, so 35-50 years old, long hair, beautiful exotic eyes and someone with a warm and loving. A woman who wants a man who will be loyal to her and will treat her like a queen. You know the Proverbs 12:4 kind of princess who I will treat like a queen. You know the kind of woman who wants to be treated right and not neglected. Nothing to it, hey Santa! Easy-peasy!!


Oh, and for a code, so I know she is real, in the song "Christmas Bride" have her mention what kind of dust Santa uses along with the sprig of mistletoe.

Thanks Santa"






Someone should probably let him know Santa isn't actually real. 


  http://portland.craigslist.org/yam/m4w/3434839715.html

Monday, November 19, 2012

pu$$ show me n go from there - 40

A Bit Older says: "Show me yours and I can show ya mine, sounds like the start of some fun (No, not really.), I might be a bit older but love the younger hotties (Because older men don't usually love the "younger hotties"...)
I'm 5 8 and 170lbs and bored lol lets have some email fun and see where it goes.
Here it is 3am and still up, wow happens all the time (Nerdinger.)
By the way that's a clean sock lol
email your pic for no sock pic :)"

What can we do to get you to put some clothes on?


http://knoxville.craigslist.org/m4w/3419688073.html

Friday, November 16, 2012

Want to get pregnant? - sperm donor

 He wants to give out his baby making juice. Would you like some?

Sperm Donor says: "I'm looking for a woman of any race or religion that is drug and disease free, stable, employed, and independent to have my baby or babies. After DNA testing to show I am the biological father of the baby, I would be willing to assist with parenting, child support, cloths, insurance, and you can list me on the child's birth certificate (So very generous.). I would like to be friends with the mother and to be fully involved in the child's life. Preferably, you would want 2 - 4 children.. You should be in your early 20's - late 30's.
If you are looking for just a sperm donor, I will also help you to have children.
I am 6ft, 205, have brown/blond hair, blue/hazel eyes.
My sperm count is 109 million per ml as of Aug 8th, DNA testing of sperm is normal, tested for STD's in Feb.
I'm located in Hickory, NC, about 1 hour from Charlotte.
Serious replies only please.
Put BABY CHARLOTTE in the subject line to help me weed out spam"

Because there's nothing weird about being a "sperm donor" on Craigslist. Right....



http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3412418716.html 

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Champagne of Massage

"Good afternoon, ladies, how are you? (A bit sleepy, but okay.) Are you suffering from stress and tension that calls for relief and relaxation? (Well, maybe...) Examine the interconnection between the mind and body. (What?) This is a high quality therapeutic rub-down. (Uh huh...) Many, many high ratings on performance. (From who?) Reputable, trustworthy.  Six ft. tall, relatively strong build (I'd say relatively doughy, guaging from the picture.), caucasian. Friends consider me to be easy to get along with and trustworthy. (Whether or not that counts for anything depends on who your friends are. Are they crack addicts? Meth dealers? Ex cons? Details matter.) I conduct myself in a professional manner. A Double-Headed Vibrating Electric Massage Wand can be used in addition. (Where did you pick that thing up from? Walmart?) You can feel serene and tranquil. >>Incall, or Drive to you. (That's what people ought to do. Give a weirdo from Craigslist with a massage wand their address. Oh yea.)"


You could have at least cleaned the mirror before taking this picture. Ya know give some kind of impression of cleanliness...
 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3410036800.html

Do you have a great butt?

Forget all that personality mumbo jumbo....

Booty Seeker says: "Looking for someone with a nice butt or great legs.
But seriously would like to find someone to get to know, and see where fate takes us.
Open minded about most things. Got a question? Just ask me.
Hello!
40-single, white male. Live in Ballantyne, south Charlotte.
I love the outdoors and reading, and looking for new friends and more.
Pics?"

New friends with a great butt or legs, that is. 


http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3410086470.html

Friday, November 9, 2012

A Very Special Friend - 45

This one is vasectomy safe! and is not asking for money. At least not at this time, anyway. 

Joe says:

"Good Morning Ladies,
What a beautiful day!
Sure would be nice to meet a new friend today, see where it may go. SWM, 45yrs.old, 6'2",188#, very clean, vasectomy safe.
-Joe
ps......very good oral skills!!!!"



 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3397281364.html

Thursday, November 8, 2012

play time?? asap - m4w - 26

 This one likes money and sex! Rare find, indeed...

Looks Like an Ex-Convict Says: "sooo....heres the deal....i need some extra cash and I'm really good at certain things so hit me up if you wanna know what I'm good at ;)

i got a shaved head and a ton of tattoos."

Maybe if you didn't have a ton of tattoos, you might have some money. Tattoos are expensive! Just a thought. Besides, you don't look someone most women would have sex with for free. It's doubtful you'll be getting paid for it.



 http://logan.craigslist.org/m4w/3386672388.html


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Fun, Cute, and New to CLT - 29


What is it with these public bathroom shots? And this one is clearly in a fastfood place. So I'm thinking he was on his lunch break, dropped a deuce, decided he felt damn sexy, and proceeded to take a half naked picture of himself in the bathroom... because it will make the ladies hot in their pants, or something. At least he has a tie on. Gotta keep it classy. 

Bathroom pics are becoming the male equivalent to duck lips. 


 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3389548678.html

Monday, November 5, 2012

For the love of snacks - 31




 He's not messing around about those snacks!

Eatin' Cheeze Balls says: "Winter is almost here and that means two things: lots of warm drinks and plenty of snacks. Hot toddies and cheeze balls all the way. Though, bloody mary's and good beer know no seasonal limits. Anywho, I've made myself hungry and need to go tend to that. Good day.

And by tend to that he, of course, means take it in the butt...



http://detroit.craigslist.org/okl/m4w/3387049751.html

Friday, November 2, 2012

rread this if interested in a mmixed boy



Mmixed Boy says: "hi im anthony santiago,if you dont know i am puertorican mixed:) im prety cute:)"

Somebody lied to you. 



  http://detroit.craigslist.org/okl/m4w/3380812040.html

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Looking for something real not just sex!

Not just sex! But naked in his picture...


http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3375122054.html

passionate mans seeks passionate woman



 Maybe it's a tumor...

And who is taking this picture?
And why do you have your shirt off in a public bathroom?

 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3378246655.html

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

It's a bad hat kind of day...

So, which is worse? Don't even know what the one on the left is or the sombrero on the right?




http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3361289043.html






  



Tuesday, October 23, 2012

50 Shades... - m4w - 48 (Lebanon [Your Bedroom])

That's right. He's located in your bedroom. Perhaps under your bed, or hiding behind the door.

This is also a limited time offer and is warrantied! 

 
Kilted Massage Man says: "You've read the book, maybe even the whole series. . . probably worn out a whole 20-pack of batteries in your vibrator over it (Oh yea! How'd you know? Women everywhere have abandoned all responsibilities to lock themselves up with their book and vibrating friend. mmm hmm). . . but have you ever experienced it first-hand? Ever wondered what it's like to taken by a Natural Dominate? Or, maybe, you have and wish to experience it again.

(If so, you're in luck. Because Kilted Massage Man is here to help you!)

Well, let me tell you a little bit about me and see if you like what you're reading: I am 5'11"; I have green eyes; about 210#; and I learned long ago that most men are small enough to fit into pants. So, I threw mine away and have worn a Kilt ever since, and I don't take any grief over that fact! LOL (He wears a kilt.) I am the type that is extremely self-confident and tends to be a "commanding presence" when entering a room, but then this should be obvious since I wear a Kilt, man-length-hair (Man length hair, you say?), not cropped short like a little boy, and am confident enough in it all to show that deserve said "commanding presence." (Basically, he is too full of himself to realize he looks like an idiot.)

I am very talented with my hands, and nothing compares to a great rub-down of an Erotic, Sensual, or Tantric Massage, they don't call me The Kilted Massage Man for nothing! (Oh good! That would be strange if people called you that for nothing.) So, can you think of a better way both feel relaxed and aroused at the same time? Because you will be so aroused, we can then follow it up with a good old-fashioned sweaty-sex session to make our "workout" complete. That's what it's like to have powerful, confident hands on your body (That is what it's like.... In case you were wondering.). I am DDF, don't smoke (even the 420 stuff), drink only the occasional Adult Beverage, and I have only one slight drawback: I'm not "baby-proof" so you need to be (His baby making juice is potent. The world doesn't need a Kilted Massage kid running around. Nuh uh.).

One last thing, before I am accused of being too long-winded, I do enjoy dining at the "Y" whenever the opportunity comes up and I'm talented enough in this that you will experience one or more serious O's, I know this will not be a problem for you.

Hurry, limited time offer; operators are standing by; not applicable in all locations; some restrictions apply; see dealer for warranty information; actual model has some accessories; not responsible for excessive orgasms; taxes and shipping not included; see owners manual for complete operating instructions; only one in-stock at this price; climax may leave user short-of-breath; actual mileage may vary; coverage not available in all areas; while user may scream "OMG! OMG! OMG!" at climax time, this is not necessarily warranted as a religious experience; your results may vary.

If you are not laughing or at least smiling then perhaps you should NOT hit the reply button (Okay.), as I do have a sense of humor, and like to associate with humans who have one also (Besides humans, who are you associating with?). You could say that my attitude is best summed up by a delightful lady I recently spent an afternoon with, she looked at me and said, "You like to fuck, but you don't like to be fucked with!" (She must have been very bright and witty.) It's true, so I treat others the same way, I will fuck you, but I won't fuck with you, I will leave the latter to the creeps out there, and there are plenty of them! Fortunately, I'm not one of them and I don't have any nasty habits or addictions.

So, if you are real, and want real in return, show me you are real by following instructions, like putting what your bra-size is (if you wear one) in the subject line. Anything else will not even be read.

What are you waiting for? It's not going to lick itself. . . (No, thankfully it won't. That would be even weirder than you being located in our bedroom.)"
  
Additionally, he has included this lovely photograph for illustrative purposes. Ya know, in case you were not 100% convinced of his douchebag status by the description alone.

 

What goes wrong in your life that you end up being Kilted Massage Man? There had to be a wrong turn in there somewhere.   

Kilted Massage Man's ad was submitted by a reader. 
Thank you! Reader submissions are always appreciated. If you would like to see an ad featured on Studs of Craigslist, send an email to studsofcl@gmail.com 
 
http://corvallis.craigslist.org/cas/3315663512.html

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

IM HERE TO RESCUE YOU - 45

 This offer comes with a cell phone included!

Captain Save a Ho says: "IS your life getting bad is your husband cheating is your boyfriend beating you down is he drinking to much is he sitting on the couch all day playing play station,cant hold a decent job ,just fell out of love with him, you feel trapped no place to go ,no one to turn to ,if your reading this and can say yes to the above well lets talk ok heres the deal im a 44 yr old white divorced male living in moore ,im 6ft slim, i have a good job nice home a good heart ,i have you your own new cell so he dosent blow yours up looking for you so if you think you can open your heart again to me , and let me start a new journey with you life is short ,too short to stay in a bad relationship or marriage ,im just looking for love a good woman,honesty faithfullness,so make that leap of faith make the call send that email im here you just got to trust again babe."

Babe? So is 44 or 45? Or more like 50 something? Hmmm?

 Sounds like your run of the mill infomercial....selling you crap you don't need or really want.

"Is your life getting bad?" What the hell kind of question is that. Anyone reading this is on Craigslist looking for some type of love. Of course their life is getting bad. You don't turn to Craigslist for lovin' unless things are bleak. 

Why don't you say what you're really looking for, Capt'n. "Seeking co-dependent, with low self-esteem, to manipulate and control". And that's the crap no one needs or wants. 

 

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3339359954.html

Monday, October 15, 2012

Need help getting over a friend - 23

Looking for a challenge?

Into His Best Friend says: "I've been into one of my best friends since I met her in high school and I can't get her out of my head. It's not going to work out with her because we are stuck in the just friends zone.
I just want to meet a girl who can take my mind off of her and prove to me that she's not the one.
Maybe a blonde, seeing how she's a brunette.
I'm real and whatnot."

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Who doesn't want a man that's in love with another woman? Jeez.... That doesn't reek of loserness at all.


Oh and your bracelets are stupid. They may have something to do with you being in the "friend zone". 

 http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3339714621.html

Saturday, October 13, 2012

rainy day lets snuggle - 32

Are you a fan of horror? 

Good Guy says: "Off work today sitting in a motel room,im ready to hold someone
and talk maybe more. Im 32 ex military have a college education.
Im ddf very clean. I prefer white women only,no bs or ganes. Im a
good guy,don't want this to be a one time deal!!! So if ur game come
on over and lets cuddle and get to know one another. Put ur name in
The subject line so i know ur real"

You want someone to meet you for the first time in a motel room? And to cuddle you and maybe more? What do you plan to do with their body afterwards? Oh wait, you said you're a good guy. So it must be safe!

  

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3335962228.html

Friday, October 12, 2012

First time for Gentle woman - 23

He's wearin' a bow tie. That means he has class. 


Mmmm.... underwear pulled down in implicitly sexy fashion. What are you doing?

Sexy Guy says: "Never been with a woman or girl before and want to take things slow with a girl who is gentle and would let me experiment.
Must be white, please be very beautiful and non aggressive and sweet. I like blonds and burnets and I would like to his if you're okay with that (What do you want to do with his???").

My pics attached please send me yours and be able to have me come over and get in bed with you; might like to take a shower together don't really know"


Think you might be trying out for the wrong team.  

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3330452015.html

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Kind & Lonely Guy Search for Lady to help not be lonely - 32

Ooooh, damn! Look at those guns!


 And his sexy hat!


Yea right.

Kind and Lonely Guy says: "I'm real and willing to try and meet with a lady to try and see if can have a relationship since last one ended in 2008.

I've not try hard to get into another due to my goal with education completion and that I'm looking for job while in college than my career.

I'm veteran of the United States Navy active from July 7, 1999 to July 7, 2003 and Selective Reserve June 16, 2006 to April 10, 2007.

I've attended Washburn University since 2008, but I had a break in the attendance due to business office hold which force me out.

I do have an Associates of Arts in Pre-Law degree from Butler Community College in Eldorado, KS where went from Jan 2005 to Dec 2007.

The construction here in Topeka is also time consuming and annoying especially when only have down on one side like 21st & Fairlawn.

Also there is the Kwik Shop at 21st & Belle which is hiring now, however, it took it two years to open up for positions since built in Fall 2010.

I'm about to go to my Police Practices and Problems course from 1 to 1:50pm then home to apt to meet with tutor from 2 to 3:30pm, I chat later.

Sincerely

James Thompson"

Think this picture is supposed to be proof that he does indeed go to school. Not really sure, though.




http://topeka.craigslist.org/m4w/3306098026.html

Monday, October 8, 2012

Are you a subbie? - 57 (my 18 wheeler)

 You might want to keep a barf bag handy while reading this one.

Pervy Truck Driver says: "I am seeking a woman who wants to be kept and loved and willing to live on My truck. (Yup, on his truck. You'll get to shower and eat at truck stops! Wooo eeee.)

I am a truck driver seeking a permanent servant. Duties will be varied. you must
read to Me, be naked after dark and in heavy rain and whenever the curtains are closed.

you must be willing to wear a kajira poncho with absolutely nothing under it but you
in public.

Also I will buy you "little black dresses" from time to time. Again, nothing under them
except you. (You sure know how to spoil a woman. Your momma must have raised you right!)

you must be willing to wash Me in the shower every chance I get (Go look at his picture. Don't forget the barf bag).

you must be willing to make Me cum every time I wake up (*dry heave*).

you must wear My collar and lead and kneel to present it to Me whenever you return from
leaving My presence.

you may not wear pants unless the temp is too low. you may not wear panties unless it's
that time of the month (He's very thoughtful.). you may not wear a bra in My presence. Okay. Maybe see thru yoga pants.

you must be exhibitionistic in nature.

I will own you. you will be Mine. you will love and adore Me as I will you.

age (over 18)/race/build irrelavent. Just be My servant. I will keep My servant VERY well."

If you got through all that without throwing up a little in your mouth, go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back. You just leveled up in endurance. Think the poncho is what really put it over the edge. I'm not wearin' a poncho for anyone. No sir.


http://lafayette.craigslist.org/m4w/3275426080.html

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Lets get drunk - 32

Destroyed says: "My ex just fucking destroyed me. she took everything. lets get drunk together fuck it I need a good time!~"

That sounds promising....



 http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/3316569759.html


Friday, October 5, 2012

Sex Maniac Girlfriend Wanted - 48

Not Impressive? says: "Are you a nice girl who loves sex and you would like a relationship with a guy who loves it as much as you do? For me, sex is a way of having the intimacy, passion, and emotional connection needed for a successful relationship. I would prefer to have a monogamous partner who wants a long-term relationship. Please tell me about yourself and send pictures, and I will respond in kind."

Either this is the same guy from Done being picky? or him and his twin brother decided to post ads at the same time. He just used a different pic.



http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/3317608027.html

Done Being Picky? - 48

What he means is, are you ready to settle? Have you given up on your hopes and dreams yet?

Not Impressive says: "Are you finally done looking for your mythical "soul mate" or fantasy man who, even if you met such a person, would not end up being what you thought you wanted anyway? Are you ready to date a real person and do the work to have a relationship where you focus on what you give and not just what you get? Then I want to talk to you!

I am a intelligent, athletic, active, non-smoking, non-drinking, never married guy with no children. I live a simple, non-competitive lifestyle and want to find a partner to enjoy the second half of my life with. Please tell me about yourself with recent pictures and let's get to know each other!"

Most men go on Craigslist and try to convince women they are the best man, the man every woman has been looking for. Not this guy! Nope. He's upfront about the fact that you will not be impressed with him. That's gotta count for something. 



http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/3317614015.html


Thursday, October 4, 2012

im done being bored and dealin wit fakes

Sunshine and Rainbows says: "Ok here's the deal. I'm sick of fakes I'm sick of fuking ads and I'm sick of lieing cheating bitches. If ur a fake ill know. If ur an ad ill hack ur fucking computer to meltdown. If u lie cheat or are just a plain bitch to everyone u meet don't even fucking bother. (His candor is refreshing. One might even say that it is charming. Just depends on what you're into...)
Now that's outa the way. The name is jarret. I live now in rock hill south carolina. A stones throw from winthrop. I currently am living with my mother and helping her out. She has been going through a tough time and I only started living with her to help her through her rough patch. Since most if not al my family members are etheir honstley too busy with they re lives or are just complete assholes. (More of that candor we so enjoy.)
Enough of that. I'm 5 9 white with blk hair green eyes. I'm average build and in my opinion nothing too great to look at but from wat I've been told, cute (You have been lied to.). I do work. Currentlly getting. My shit together. I have been in a few recent relationships that ended badly. I still hurt but just looking for a ear at the very least (He wants to cry to you about all of his bullshit.).
Ill be honest I love sex but I control myself unlike other ravonous dogs out there (He has his good points too, though.). I'm a nice guy but will never be afraid to tell someone off (You don't say.). I drink socially and trying to quit smoking. I love video games and bike rides. I'm looking for a girl who understands my situation. I'm by no means racist or judgemental. I am very open minded so no subject is off limits. I like a girl who is similar. Has a good head on her shoulders at the very least. And her heart in the right place. Some family values would be nice along with a quirky side as me and my family are. Someone who likes walks talks cuddles and romantic dinners but also likes being lazy sexy and a little crazy:-P
I have no problem giving my number but I do have kik. If u read this far I suppose ur interested. Make sure u type your favorite food into the subject line so I know ur not a bot. Don't ask me to sign up for this or that cuz i wont. so hope to hear from u soon"

At least he ends on a good note. 


 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3306129505.html
 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

gigalo - m4w - 19

Who needs a gigolo?!  Instead of getting sex for free from all of the men giving it away on Craigslist, how about you pay for it? Yea, that doesn't make sense to me either. But good try!

Gigalo says: "I am a gigalo just here for work minimum $20 an hour or quicky no older than 50 years old must be at your place. No marriages, kids, crazy exs or boyfriends. My looks should not be important as long as your getting your kicks who cares bout looks. Will not go down on women but do expect it to be done to me up to you if you want to stop will not force anything (No, of course you're not going to force it. That would be rape. Then you'd end up being someone's bitch in a jail cell.).. Rubbers will be used and provided. Not opened. Contact me. Must work with my schedual and must be legal age and clean. No refunds complete confidentiality."

Let's think this over. 

So not only is he charging, but he's also unattractive.

There's no way he's lasting an hour. I can tell you that. His rate and refund policy are for when he busts a nut after 20 seconds and you are left sorely disappointed. Notice it doesn't say anything about kicking his ass, though. Be sure to point that out when he's on the floor crying. Then, you can tell him you charge $20 per ass kicking and take your money back.

Wait it gets even better! He won't go down on anyone but expects to receive blow jobs. That's right. He expects it. What kind of gigolo are you? You're going to get paid to get head? And you are not attractive? And you don't give refunds?! I think you need to read the job description again.

But he does use and provide condoms. They are even in unopened packages! Surely a selling point... 

A bit of Stud Wisdom: If you're gonna pay for sex, go all out and get yourself someone worth paying for. Not a 19 year old douche bag trying to get laid. 



Gigalo's ad was submitted by a reader. Thanks! 
Reader submissions are always appreciated. 

http://ithaca.craigslist.org/cas/3312586901.html

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Looking for my geek queen!

Geek Prince says: "Do you collect comic books? Do you enjoy video games? Would you rather watch Doctor Who than Gossip Girl? I am tired of having to pretend to be someone else when I date. I am a geek and I am not afraid to admit it. I want to find a girl who likes me for me and not try to change me. I know that somewhere out there is a girl like this and I don't know why they would be cruising this site but hey a guy can try. If you think you are a beautiful geek princess and want a geek prince then please message me :]"


There's nothing wrong with being a geek, but there's everything wrong with that vest. The whole vest with no shirt on "look" is bad. Very bad. Why are you hanging out around your house with a vest on, anyway? Was putting a complete shirt on too much effort? "Eh...a vest will do. It's kind of like a shirt...". Then there's your "I'm too sexy for my shirt" facial expression. You may want to reconsider pretending to be someone else, at least until you stop sucking so much.


http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3306849154.html

Monday, October 1, 2012

attached guy looking for what my girl wont let me do to her

Back so soon? Previous ad: my girls actin like a brat are you the woman for me

Probably Gay says: "Ok I'm 26 190 lbs very fit and very muscular I work construction usually 10 to 14 hours a day with a 20 min lunch and maybe 2 ten minute breaks (What is the reason you are sharing those details? Do you intend to "please" a woman during your breaks?) I'm a great pleaser looking to find a woman who can deepthroat and likes anal race and age isn't important to me I love all races(even though I haven't got to try outside my race yet but curious) and of course I like 18± but I also love older women all I'm looking for is someone slim to thick sorry just my prefrence and no dudes for me at all not gay and definitely not thinking about it my mind works off the female body nothing on a male intrests me at all (Except pounding their ass, of course.) but I does almost make me cum while I'm pleasing that body till u cream on my face fingers dick I'm not scarred my toungue will go places no man has been on ur body well does it sound as good as I look well put what ud let me do to u in the subject line and a pic in the message number is optional but would get immediate response with a pic and number if u leave just a message and a number it'll go in the trash cause ill want to see a pic before calling or txting and if u send a pic we can chat inbox style I guess but to those spammers I'm not signing up for NOTHING IT WILL GO STRAIGT TO THE TRASH ____ I'M FULLY REAL AND HAVE PERMISSION TO PLAY (Last ad you were about to be single...) and this ain't a hit and qiut if we like each other we can see each other however often u would like THIS IS BURGER KING HAVE MY WHOPPER ANY WAY U LIKE (What?) oh and ps I can be very discreet if needed to on ur part cause I understand when u ain't getting what u want from home right I mean we love them and do everything for but why isn't they do everything for us or atleast try it right ill fulfill those fantsys for u want to help me with mine?"

Not at all. 


http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3308194339.html
 

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I could be "that guy" please give me a chance

That Guy says: "You could be my "it girl" and I could be "that guy". That guy that calls or texts just to let you know he's thinking of you. That guy that would buy you something just to make you smile. That guy that's always happy and wants to make you happy. That guy that doesn't know there's any other woman in the world because he only sees you. That guy that will ignore your flaws and love you for who you are. That guy that you would brag about to your friends. That guy that loves to go out and do things instead of staying in all the time. That guy that would take care of you when your sick if you wanted him to. That guy that would never cheat or lock his phone or play childish games. That guy that's been hurt and knows how it feels and would never put anyone else through it. That guy that would stick up for you if someone said something bad about you. That guy that would love you for the rest of his life. I want to change my fb status.....please let me be that guy. Right now I'm just a Single white guy with his life in order, waiting to be that guy. Why am I not that guy now? I'm used to dating poodles, not looking for that guy. They are used to being used and use people and hurt them. I look younger than I am, usually date women in their mid 20's but that hasn't been what I really want. I want a real relationship with mutual affection. Put " Pumped up kicks" or any other song in title so I know your not spam, no song, I won't read. I posted a car on here and got tons of spam :( Your photo gets mine."

Poodles, you say? What are you looking to date now? Labradors? This metaphor is making me uncomfortable... 

Classy. Have a feeling you are already "that guy". That guy that likes to blow hot air up people's asses, that is.

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3299146977.html

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

looking for my first time

Virgin says: "I know, im a lil too old to still be a virgin, but im looking to lose it tonight with the right girl. Here is my X rated pic. If you like what you see. Email me back. Im pretty much looking for any girl. Im real. go cards!!!"

So, which is it? The right girl? Or any girl? Or is any girl the right girl? Just looking for a vagina to stick your pee pee in, huh? If you walk around outside like that long enough, perhaps you will find one. You could stand on a street corner with a sign like the Liberty Tax people. That would be awesome. If you're going to give it away, might as well make it interesting. 

(Image was censored by Studs of Craigslist)


http://louisville.craigslist.org/m4w/3287791010.html

Monday, September 24, 2012

Abe Lincoln Style

Proper Gentleman says: "I'm looking for a woman who likes history. That being said I would like you to wear an olde timey newspaper boy outfit and cap while I dress as a proper gentleman and then promptly bugger you properly. Nothing gay, I just like the movie Newsies."


You want to "bugger" a paperboy. Sounds pretty gay. 

  http://louisville.craigslist.org/m4w/3289856669.html

New to Southern Indiana, Looking to Meet Up


That's a really great picture for your personal ad.

http://louisville.craigslist.org/m4w/3271222071.html

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

my girls actin like a brat are you the woman for me

About to be single is almost the same thing as single, right? No. Starting a relationship with someone who is preparing to be single is a horrible idea. Maybe one of the worst dating ideas ever.

Probably Gay says: "NO DUDES PLEASE NOT MY PREFERENCE now like the posting says my girl is actin like a brat and don't know how good she has it gettin tired of her crap and now I'm looking I am about to be single I'm 26 own my own businesses construction-mechanics-landscapping-and computer repair I work a lot and this just makes it easier to find someone cause I usually stay busy yeah it comes with running ur own business I am a jack of all trades can fix anything I am 6ft tall 190 Lbs I'm not fat all muscle very athletic and loads of stamina ima bit on the kinky side have 10" pierced yeah you might want it a few times but can u handle it every night atleast 1 -3 times letting me hit that gut or throat without bieng too big shit I get tired of hearing that be my pornstar woman and take it all - all of the time whenever where ever I got a lot of fantasys to fulfill YOUR PIC GETS MORE OF MINE AND MY CELL NUMBER NO PIC NO REPLY AND AGAIN NO DUDES I AM STRAIGHT AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE WOMEN ONLY THANK YOU HAVE A NICE DAY"

Sounds like your girl's got it sweet with all that gut and throat hitting you're doing and stuff. Yea... 

How does someone like you own a business? Think out of all of this that is the really important thing here, because you seem like an idiot.  


 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3281655299.html

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

HELLO WOMAN

Bet he wants a sandwich.

Primitive Gentleman says: "LOOKING TO FIND A FRIEND IAM OUT GOING GUY THAT LIKE TO HAVE FUN. I NEED A FISHING BUDDY. LIKE CAMPING, RIDING HORSES.CANOEING. I LIKE TO BBQ A LOT. IAM 5/8 150LBS I LOOK 100% BETTER IN PERSON. I TAKE BAD PICS ....... SO U LOOKING FOR A GOOD MAN THATS ME IAM A PLUMBER I HAVE MY OWN PLACE IN THE COUNTRY ..... LET TALK THANK YOU.....SEND PIC OF YOU.I SEND MORE BACK....."



 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3269537205.html

Monday, September 17, 2012

Princess in Blue Jeans

Prince in Blue Jeans says: "Looking for a Woman Who looks good in her tight jeans,Yet is just as comfortable in alittle black skirt.. I'm looking for a special girl, she should be smart,pretty,Love faithfully,love kids,outdoors ,looking for long term,please no head games.She must be honest,not hung up on drugs,or past Love's..kids are great! would be a great Dad to them.I will devout my Life to you I ask for the same. If you are this girl I seek. Let our Love begin. if you think your my type,and can make me complete Let's talk.....please put Girlfriend in subject or will be deleted unread."

























It's a bonus if you fit inside the white area of this picture.

 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3272909001.html

Friday, September 14, 2012

Use what ya have to motivate

 Are you looking for a community service project?

Think of your vagina as a carrot.....

Biggest Loser says: "I am looking for a woman to become my motivation. I am a tall, bald headed, fat guy that recently started working out and get exercise. I am looking for a woman that will act as my motivator to lose more weight. This is a very strange relationship request and may be considered more of an arrangement. But I am looking for the "HOT" currently out of my league, out of my reach woman that will motivate me to lose. I am not asking for you to "put out" tomorrow but however, maybe use it to reach certain goals set by my motivator. I'm looking for a sexy individual that is willing to NOT put out until which time i've reach certain goals and earned that reward. The person will be nice, soft, NOT a bitch, is willing to become a cheering section during exercise like basketball etc. Must be willing to be seen with me through out this relationship including in my "fat" state now. I am looking for arm candy so this person will need to be thin, look good in a bathing suit, (two piece) flirty, short, I prefer red hair over any but the darker your hair the better. I have a glasses fetish so if you wear those that is even better. Athletic with a good body proportion.

(You want a sexy, red head, with glasses who will come be your personal cheerleader for nothing in return but maybe the satisfaction of helping you?? It must be nice in that fantasy world of yours. Here in reality people have lives.)

Let's chat if this add intrigues you. There are no obligations to chat. (Really? Thought by reading this we were automatically under contract to chat with you. Whew...)

If you are a student and MSU that is a plus. A lot of my working out is being done at the NEW rec center. So I have been working out. I'm not looking for someone to do the work for me, just someone to get close too, build a relationship and hang with regularly, even work out with. I'm NOT looking for drama, I'm looking for a woman to use her power over men to the fullest to get ME motivated to eat right, lose weight and boost MY self confidence.
If you do not agree with this add then don't respond or post to it. To each their own.

Is my motivator out there? For the record I only need to lose about 85 lbs to be fit and thin.

I will only respond to replies with the subject line "Basketball". I've gotten a crap ton of spam."




 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3264892228.html

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Nerdasaurus Rex, RAWR!!!

 CASEY!(TM) says: "Like to watch cartoons? Play video games? Peruse book stores? Listen to tons of music? Walk through thrift stores? Shoot down Spy planes with your laser eyes? WELL, then have I got the perfect man for you! It's CASEY!(TM), new from NERDY brand toys! CASEY!(TM) comes packed with Saxophone and Guitar attachments for realistic style playing action! CASEY!(TM) also comes with a MISSOURI STATE UNIVERSITY(TM) playset, in which to stage his many awesome, rad, and totally tubular Nazi killing adventures! Or you can just make him get a degree in Jazz Studies-Performance. You know, whatever you wanna do. CASEY!(TM) even comes with an enormous variety of taste in music and literature, including but not limited to Sufjan Stevens, Modest Mouse, the Tallest Man on Earth, Local Natives, fun., Mark Mothersbaugh, Flight of the Conchords, Busdriver, Aesop Rock, The Morning Benders, Andrew Bird, Surfer Blood, Mike Mignola, JRR Tolkein, Geroge RR Martin, Frank Miller, Miguel de Cervantes, Alan Moore, Warren Ellis, Garth Ennis, Isaac Asimov, and Theodore Sturgeon. CASEY!(TM) even loves movies! All kinds of movies! I mean, what else could you want? Huh? What do ya think punk? Huh? (Probably someone just a little bit more sane I'd suppose - Ed.) Hey, shut up Editor! This is my show 'round 'ere! (Yea, sure, Whatever - Ed.)

(woooo crazy talk and just when you thought it couldn't get any crazier he added in a fake person to talk to!)

*ahem*...

But in all seriousness, I'm a pretty normal dude with a weird sense of humour and a lot of arts-y interests who's looking for someone else to be in mutual weirdness with.

I'm about 5'11"-6' tall, 200 lbs. Preeeeeeeetty freaking average in that regard.

Indeed.

Also, I'm an Atheistic Agnostic. So, if you're not cool with people who don't prescribe to religion, then... well, yea, that kind of explains itself.

WHATEVS.

I hope to hear back from some cool/exciting/out there individuals and what not :3"





He can stick guitar picks to his forehead. 




He can also draw pictures of himself sticking guitar picks to his forehead. 




He wears the hideous sweaters his grandma gives him at Christmas....

 


He can grow some serious sideburns. 





And is awesome at pretending to be a warrior. 

That's something, right? 

On a side note, shooting down spy planes with our laser eyes does totally rock. Love that. Do it all the time. CASEY!(TM), however, is not the perfect man for us.




Cartoon depiction of Studs of Craigslist creator shooting down a spy plane with laser eyes.


 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3231958898.html