Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Looking for someone between 35 and 55 - 23

Douche Gigolo says: "Im looking for an older, mature woman that doesnt mind seeing someone younger. Im 23 years old, single and looking for someone to talk to and hopefully get to know. I dont care about looks or size. Its whats inside that counts (Inside your bank account, that is.). If your interested, then just send me a message and ill get to you asap. Thanks!!!"

He's looking forward to spending your money. 



Monday, July 30, 2012

Modern Romance Week 2

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Decent guy

With a most excellent hat and stache.... Qualities women search high and low for.



Friday, July 27, 2012

Are there any National Socialist women out there

Go out with him or he'll shoot!

National Socialist (aka Asswipe) says: "I am a conservative/national socialist man that is looking to build a traditional loving relationship with a like minded woman. If you are reasonably attractive and are interested shoot me a message. I am a good looking guy 100% white Irish descent (Pretty sure Hitler would have gassed the Irish when he got around to it. Unfortunately, they never made the "Superior" list.)."


Thursday, July 26, 2012

partners in crime

Hillbilly Samurai says: "I'm looking to meet my equal (His equal in the skills of wielding a sword and wearing a pair of overalls....). I'm tired of the women who expect everything and give nothing in return (No nookie, no dice.). I have a job working part time...trying to start school in the fall and get my degree in diesel technology. I just want something real. Forgive me for saying 'I' all the time... (It'd be kind of weird if you were saying "we" already. After all, we hardly know each other.) but I'm just trying to put out there what i want. I want a woman who has tattoos and piercings as I have both of those (Very important.). I want a woman who likes to hunt, camp, and fish...but not only that know how to survive in the wild if it came to that (i.e. He ditches you naked in the woods somewhere.). Hell...I just need a good woman."


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

wats good im jesse im 19 lookin for a cute bad girl

Could be your chance to hook up with a rap artist (aka rapper) before he makes it big!!! Only skinny, bad girls should inquire, though. He's got standards.

Upcomin Rap Artist Says: "im jesse hasty im 19 looking for a cute white or black girl ages from 18 to 24 lives in topeka ks skinny if thats u hmu ima upcomin rap artist"

And in the event being  a rap artist (aka rapper) doesn't work out for you, your back up plan is....?

Picture moment in the shampoo aisle at Walmart
Ya know how rap artists gotta keep their lyrics dope and their hair clean. Word.

And the only way wearing sunglasses inside is okay is if you are blind. Since you didn't mention being blind in your ad, we're going to have to assume you are just an idiot.


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I'm better looking than Stephen Hawking and smarter than Brad Pitt

Smart Ass says: "I am a smartass
I love food
I am fortunate to have a great group of friends and an awesome family
Central Market is the greatest store in history of the world. Don't even try to argue the point, move on.
I am loyal
I am nice to strangers
I don't look like the picture I posted in this ad (Whew... that's good.)
I'm no root either
I always return a grocery cart to the stall
I enjoy reading
Comfortable silence is great
I have never put razor blades in candy (This is a quality more women should be looking for in a man.)
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. All the fun and none of the fuss
I really need to travel more
I like big hugs.The tighter you squeeze the better
I like garage sales and flea markets
I like beer and whiskey
Did you just say "road trip"? let's go!
I am forgetful
I have rain man like math skills
Cats are cool
Dogs are better
I've surfed the entire internet
Nobody can out google me
I love politics, but I'm not political
I'm a news junkie
I can cook my ass off
Sometimes I cuss
Why drive if you don't have too
I'm kind of a workaholic
I tell really long stories
I sometimes forget and repeat my really long stories
Sometimes I forget and rerepeat my really long stories
I love all candy of the gummy persuasion
Festivals kick ass
I can make inappropriate comments at times
I like the smell of fresh laundry
I am pretty spontaneous
I will never tell you I'm doing good, always well or fine
I will tell you that you look pretty
I love finding a hole in the wall (Really.... Maybe you will be interested in Secret Glory Hole)
I will kiss you on your neck
I'm not jealous
I don't mind walking
When the weather is nice I will always want to sit on the patio
I'll bring you soup when you are sick
I love a good farmers' market
I can be a bit scatter brained
I like to bike
I'll meet your folks
Nothing beats sleeping to a thunderstorm
l'll give you that "I'm so into you look" when we are in a room full of people
I'll try my best
I'll like it when you can finish my thought
I'll really dig it when you are wearing my tshirt
You can have the last piece of cake (Damn right.)
I can't spel
I'm kind of messy but I always put the toilet seat down
I can bbq
I like to swim
I shower daily and occasionally take baths.
When things are at there worst I will stand by you.
I'll go get the car when it is raining
I'll know how your hair smells
I'll love waking up next to you. .

So what am I looking for. Dang I wish I knew exactly. If I did I think I would have found it by now."


Monday, July 23, 2012

Modern Romance

Cutie with a big booty? Ass like Whoa! I am dying to find you

Seeking Booty says: "Hey baby,do you got a nice behind that makes white guys shout? (From our experience white guys do not usually partake in that sport.) I really want to find me a cutie with a nice booty that I can watch you walk by and just have my jaw drop to the floor because that ass is like whoa (Because ya know women everywhere love it when men stare at them as they walk by. Make sure you add in some grunting noises for good measure.). Please come to me and let me worship you like a man should.

Let me buy you panties and watch you walk around for me. Let me spoil you boo! (You are spoiling women by buying them panties and letting them walk around for you? Seems you may have that backwards, but maybe we're missing something.)"

The really sad thing is there are probably women who are genuinely interested in this nonsense. 


Sunday, July 22, 2012

American Bulldog seeks playful bitch, and a cute date for my Master!

Brace yourself, it's going to be bad. Really bad.

Fido the Typing Dog says: "Okay it's going to be another wet day today, but I'm pretty sure my Master is going to take me to Danny Jackson Bark Park (off Westpark and 610) again....and I'd love to find a cute date for him. I've met some pretty cool playmates up there, and we always seem to have a good time. But I'm going to be honest, I do like to it a little rough (I'm pretty sure I get that from my Owner lol), so bonus points if you've got a bully breed or some other rough-houser that can keep up with me. What is it with all these humans that think dogs are supposed to play like they do?! I've seen what you all do behind closed doors...and you call US animals? ;)

So about me, I'm 65 pounds, brindle and white, and ridiculously handsome. But you're probably a little more interested in my Owner, aren't you? Well, he's tall (6'1), educated (Longhorn), successful (Real Estate Developer), attractive, and pretty much just the epitome of awesomeness. Okay okay, he's not perfect...but who doesn't make the occasional mess from time to time. I know I do (see muddy evidence below)!

But I'm pretty sure we both just need a couple of good ladies in our life. Although keep in mind I swing both ways, so that lady part is more applicable to him lol. Just don't be a 'lady' all the time, because that's just boring :p. But there's certainly no problem with being ridiculously cute all the time...he's definitely into that!

So woof woof chop chop --- shoot me a message with some pics of y'all, I'll introduce you, and we can get this started.

Talk soon, pretty girl."

Typing from the perspective of your pet is painfully pathetic. Please refer to: 

Typing Cat! 

Too much time on the farm!

Tip of the Week!


my face is awesome

His face is so awesome that unicorns land on it when they need a rest from doing the stuff that unicorns do.


Saturday, July 21, 2012

looking for a good woman

Has So Much To Offer says: "looking for a good woman to live with me. no bills to pay, just some light house work."

Hold on, this one might actually be a good deal... 

Let's see what you get in exchange for some "light house work" (i.e. shlobbing his knob and making him a sandwich): 

* Free place to live. Home is likely mobile, so ya know that has its perks. 
* Luxurious pool. Also mobile. 
* Truck that works some of the time. 
* And a virile, yet out of shape, middle aged man. 

Sweet! Don't let this opportunity pass you by...


Friday, July 20, 2012

Looking for my queen

The Romantic says: "looking for my queen. im here just for you. im looking for the one that my whole life revolves around. can that be you. can you take my breath away. can you be the one who makes me feel like i cant live without you. can you claim my heart if so hit me up."

"...hit me up." - Modern day romance (face palm). 


Thursday, July 19, 2012

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

mwm needs some fun tonite or tom

Incognito says: "mwm  (That means "Married White Male", in case you are new around here) who absolutely loves to go down looking for some fun tonight or tomorrow night. Would love to go down on you and am very good at it Whatever you want you get Would love a black woman age and size doesn't matter Please put " eat me " in the subject line"

First, ewwwwwwwwww! *dry heave*

 Those glasses are not going to help conceal your identity from anyone. Just thought you should know that. 

And you are a douchebag. 

That is all. 


Saturday, July 14, 2012

I'm a little crazy but that's how I roll

As are most of the other people posting personal ads on Craigslist. So, you're in the right place.

 "First and foremost, I am rather shy when it comes to talking to women. I capable of speaking but I stammer my way through the conversation. Some of you ladies might find that cute while others will say that it is because I am "cowardly". If your the type to think that, well then honey, I have some news for you! Get the stick out of your butt and relax. I am sorry but not all of us could be born with parents who gave a damn and pushed us to do "great things" and now you are stuck in a mediocre job that you hate or your in some special "clique" that shields you from the onslaught of critisizm of the "lesser crowd," all of whom are just trying to find themselves rather than fit into your damn social conformity crap. If this is the case, take a good hard look in the mirror. I would rather have a girl be herself than conform to some stupid (expletive redacted) that the media is feeding you these days.

What is it about Craigslist that makes people on go on these rants? "...not all of us could be born with parents who gave a damn and pushed us to do 'great things' and now you are stuck in a mediocre job..." Really how could anyone think it is a good idea to include that information in a personal ad? Are you trying to find someone to ride your baloney pony? or are you looking for counseling?

1)If you are not an individual with your own set of ideas, opinions, likes and dislikes, you are not for me. I apologize. (Do you think people will honestly be able to determine this about themselves? It is highly doubtful anyone is walking around thinking "I'm a poser douchebag who can't think for myself")
2)If you write "lik a frking idiet wit no edumacation," please see yourself to the door. I prefer a woman with intelligence with common looks rather than extreme beauty with an empty head.
3)I don't really give a damn if you were popular in highschool. (I just wanted to say that.)
4)My musical interests probably outdate what is on the radio these days. Either that or it is not played on the radio for fear of causing an uprising in the mindless hoard of zombies listening to how this rapper screwed this chick or how much money he makes... The stuff I prefer ranges from 1940's- late 1980's with some newer stuff strewn in when there is meaning behind the song
5)I smoke. I know alot (The alot, a must read!) of you don't like it but it's something that I do. I do not smoke Marlboro Reds as they taste like lights. You are probably thinking "What the hell does this guy smoke if Reds are like lights for him?" Answer: Lucky Strikes Filterless AKA A Real Man Cigarette (Shows his level of determination. He wants to make sure there is no doubt that he will get cancer.)
6)I play guitar alot. By alot, I mean, I have it behind my seat in my single cab Tacoma and it goes where I go.
7)I have an uncanny knack for not getting killed (All of us who are still alive do, or else we would be dead.). To date, I have been struck by 5 cars (You're a slow learner.) (1 of which I was driving in Afghanistan. Ask about it... You will laugh), stabbed by various objects (This sounds much more thrilling than it really is. By "stabbed" he means poked and "various objects" are common things most people bump into from time to time. Like the corner of tables, low hanging branches, over sharpened pencils, and other such items.), jumped off of my balcony while screaming "Flying Squirrel" (Yea. Hmmm...), sat in a freezing box for months on end without a heater, sat in the same box but this time it was like an oven, broken my finger, my nose, hyperextended my knee and rolled down a big hill while hiking. How did I survive? Duct tape.
8)I believe that the solution to everything lies in duct tape. (You're probably right about that. It would probably get someone through a day with you.)
9)I rarely sleep enough to keep me functioning for a full day before switching to auto-pilot. Even as I write this. I have not slept in over 20 hours.
10)I chase birds because they can fly and I cannot. Screw you, birds!
11)I sound like I am from Boston when in reality I was born in Escondido, California or so says my birth certificate.
12)See number 13
13)This is my favorite number. I was born on this day in February.
14)I had something funny to say about this number but I forgot.
15)If you are, somehow, laughing at what is written on this, then we share something in common already.
16)I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve...

****UPDATE****   (Ooooh, more unimportant crap that no one needs to know. Yay.)

17)I have tattoos. My right arm is pretty much sleeved out. I plan on getting more
18)I want to teach high school when I get out of the Marine Corps. History. Can you dig it?
19)I had to throw a "Warriors" Reference in there.
20)If you want to get to know me, just ask for my number. I'll be more than happy to call if we click.
21)I do cheesy dates but they are awesome >:D Stroll on the beach where we make sandcastles and pretend we are Godzilla in Japan! OH YEAH!
22)I really don't know why I put that crap in 21.
24)I swear I'm not on drugs... other than caffeine.
25)Bring it on!!!
26)I must be honest, I can't dance but I will try if you ask me and if I don't blush first.
27)I dance in movie theaters while the previews play. I don't know why but it's damn funny!
28):D Can you tell me what the hell that is?
29)I'm am a Jedi.
31)I do my best to keep my word.
32)Did you read this? Really? Well congrats! You may just be what I am looking for if you smiled."


Friday, July 13, 2012

Different flavour

 Which is? Sweaty, hairy chest? Guess that's better than sweaty, hairy balls!  (shrug)


Thursday, July 12, 2012



So what do you think? Is he still sexy? 


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Love Chapter

 A chapter on love. Written by Dying Alone.

Dying Alone says: "Unlike most men these days, I dont socialise with women who are only interested in what they can GET out of any man!!! the party sceane is soooo shallow and pathetic. The only woman that i would be interested in is a woman that would know either one of these truths..."two shall become one flesh. ,Be in the world, but not of the world"...The faith of a mustard seed can move mountains". If ur a woman of true faith and wisdom...u will see my true intentions at this point....if all u see in this is foolishness....yuo have proven my point!!!! Been in love only once in my life....and she only wanted to deceive me and use me with her lies....I would rather die alone, than be with a shallow woman that only seeks her own selfishness!!!!!!!!!!!!!! true love helps us both grow for each other and more"

And that was about love how? 

Angry, bitter, nonsense surely attracts more bees than honey....right? Oh and lots of "!!!!!!!!" You're gonna need a stick to beat off all the woman throwing themselves at you. Wooo eee!!!!!!



Monday, July 2, 2012


Future Crackstar says: "looking for a girl that has a job  (His garage band isn't paying the bills quite yet), addict free (He doesn't want to have to share his stuff) , kids free or at least one doesnt have five baby daddies to deal with (Four baby daddies will be considered),,,someone that loves movies at home . and can go out for a couple drink "not ten (Can't spend all your money to pay his bills on fancy dates and booze)..a girl that know a little about the world she lives in . i dont mind kids but love my freedom and the ability to make love when ever...if you have 1% of drama in your life or you are up-tite about sex ....then keep looking and good luck.....anyone that does write me send a pic ....."

Basically, he doesn't want a crack whore. There's only room for one of those in a relationship and he's already assumed that role. 


I looking for good time right now

So Horny says: "I so horny I looking for sexy woman , want spend good time , I have place , I so romantic and very sweet , send me email you want good time"

Yea... you seem very romantic, if by romantic you mean club a woman over the head, drag her back to your cave, and have your way with her.