Friday, August 31, 2012

MuffinsR4Lickin

Says this guy...




 http://wichita.craigslist.org/m4w/3236511156.html


man white seeking woman white

Man White says: "I like beach and rock music. Do not like to watch sports. Like to do most things. I like out doors activeities. I give full body massages for therapy"


You don't look like you give full body massages for therapy.

http://winstonsalem.craigslist.org/m4w/3241037658.html

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Anyone need a texting buddy - 24

Texter says: "I work 3rd shift and text alot at work. Looking for some new buddies. Not looking to date or anything, probably meet one day. But just hit me up this thingy won't let me upload pics black 24 clean cut, I have pics"

He wants someone to text with while he's at work. Maybe one day, if you're lucky, you will get to meet him. Thought the whole fishing for friends on FB thing was ridiculous. This is a whole new low. Texting with random people just so you have someone to text with. Jeezy creezy. 



http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3238693591.html

Meet Us Out For A Drink!

 What's your type? One of his personalities will surely be right for you!

Him, Himself, and a Few Others say: "So, do you have any venue preferences? We prefer under-the-radar type places which is a bit challenging in AVL... Please send your photo(s) in kind."

By "us" we assume he is referring to his other personalities since no other person is mentioned in the ad. Maybe he just likes to write in editorial style like we do, which is a bit strange for a personal ad. OR maybe he is looking for a psychic chic, who will intuitively know who the other person is!


 http://asheville.craigslist.org/m4w/3229825614.html

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Domestic wanted


Married Professionals say: "Do you have it all but just need some stability and support --  (Have you always dreamed of being a hooker?)

Married professionals vgl, hwp, open and liberal willing to share their home with the right person. Cleaning, laundering and ironing, grounds, cooking -- physical interaction as a bonus --- a happy healthy home life as the goal

(You want a sex worker, who also cleans your house and takes care of your yard? And you expect that to somehow lead to a happy, healthy home life? Okay... So, when you have friends and family over how do you introduce your sex worker? "This is Jane. She does a fantastic job of blowing me and the walkway! Yea, in exchange for a place to live she takes care of the yard work and our 'personal needs'. Found her on Craigslist.")

Please put "looking in tompkins county" in the subject line or we won't read the ad ---- a simple instruction like that must be followed"

Do ads like these solicit responses? Are there sex worker/house and grounds keepers out in Ithaca? Seems like something straight out of a cheesy porno. 

Married Professionals' ad was submitted by a reader. Thanks! Reader submissions are always appreciated. 
 

 http://ithaca.craigslist.org/cas/3229846769.html

Saturday, August 25, 2012

down to earth guy

Superstar says: "i am tired of having fuck buddies and i am wanting a down to earth girl. send me a message if you are interests i like a lot of things, and i don't want to type it all out."

He's too down to earth for all of that typing stuff...

" i am tired of having fuck buddies" - Said no man ever. 

What he really means is no one is touching his penis and he would like someone to do so. He doesn't want to seem like a dweeb, so he made up some nonsense about being tired of having women just fuck him. 






Either you're doing a really good impression of Superstar or you're not "down to earth". 

 http://asheville.craigslist.org/m4w/3223700424.html




Thursday, August 23, 2012

Shiny Spandex Guy New Photo!

Thought you all would like to see Shiny Spandex Guy's latest photo. 

 Shiny Spandex Guy says: "Happy, sweet, loving SWM 43 seeking a healthy, height-weight proportionate SWF or SAF for LTR who shares these 3 common interests:

1. The science fiction and fantasy genre. The would include books, tv shows, movies and video games.

2. Cats. (I have a long haired Maine Coon, so you can't be allergic.)

3. Lingerie. (I have a serious fetish for lingerie of all kinds but especially hosery like soft pantyhose/tights and catsuits/bodystockings.

If you are seriously interested, and feel we may be a match, please put '50 shades' in the subject line of your email,
include clear recent photo of yourself, and tell me about yourself.

Emails which are abstract, non-specific, have no name, look like they came from a smart phone, or are just one or two lines, will be deleted."

 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3212581698.html

sex now (my place )

Was thinking about running the vacuum and getting dinner started, but ok! Be right over...

Ummmm, no.

Open Minded Gentleman says: "Hey! am a single spanish male looking for some action asap. I don't discriminate, am outgoing , layback, sense of humor and openminded gentleman. Here's a body pic. Pls respond w/ a pic and ill send u my num thanks."

Gentlemen usually wear clothes and request sex with complete sentences.



http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3204448070.html

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

ISO Underappreciated Sexy, Funny, Witty, Busty Brainiac

This ad may be the longest personal ad in personal ad history, but it is well worth the read. 

Dr. Feel Good says: "
 



And these are all good and fair questions, and ones I will either answer NOW or in the course of our communication. And before we ever meet.

Ladies, let me put your minds at ease on three of the biggest issues facing contemporary women dating men whom they met on the Internet-
1. I'm not married.
2. I'm not gay or bisexual.
3. I rarely piss on the toilet seat.

And maybe it's better you don't mention it if you LOVED 'Twilight'. Shortly here, we'll get into the meat of this VERY LONG ad, but first I wanted to get your attention and say "Hello' to each and every one of you visiting me here.





 ARE YOU A WOMAN LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK AND LISTENS TO WHAT YOU SAY WITH INTEREST?

Are you looking for incendiary passion in your life? If you can answer a resounding YES! to the previous questions, then I may be the man you are looking for. I'm looking for a woman who loves to laugh, who is witty and wise, and who loves humanity...but isn't particularly crazy about people. I'm ever discreet in public but naughty and even iconoclastic in my private life. I'd love to spend some genuine quality time with YOU. If you are very clever, as you read this posting you'll get a nice and sparkling clear picture of what I mean by 'quality time'. Let's put it this way- we'll both certainly be speechless at the time. The rest of the time we're together, we'll do a LOT of talking. Whether over the phone, or while sitting down for a cup of coffee, let's talk about MOST anything.




 Do you have a super-nosy neighbor next door who makes 'Bewtiched's' Gladys Kravitz seem non-inquisitive by comparison? I WANT to know about it. Do you have an untapped well of brilliant observations to make about the shameless slut at work who just cock-wrangled and otherwise sleazed her way into the promotion YOU deserved? I WANT to hear them. I love to talk but I'm a good listener too. Ever feel that the more scintillating nuances of your witticisms pass directly over the heads of your friends and family without once passing GO and COLLECTING 200 DOLLARS? I want to listen, wink or chuckle in total comprehension of the magnitude of your sardonic sagacity and as-of-yet under-appreciated wisdom. Baby, you're brilliant in your own right! HELL YEAH! Come to Daddy and show me that big sexy brain of yours, Mama.




 If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain...y'all just keep walking down the dunes of the Cape at Midnight, Baby. I'm a relative simpleton when it comes to the things I like and LOVE. I LOVE most genres of music, with Alternative and Classical being my favorites. I love birdsong on a be-dewed meadow and the intermittent fragrance of honey-suckle bourne of a flittering late Spring breeze. I love dogs and puppies, cats and kittens, and free creatures of the wild. I can appreciate a sunset of riotous swirled fuchsias, tangerines, mauves and magentas nearly as much as the soft MMMMMs of your importunes...and without ascribing some ineffable divine plan to it all.


 Join me for your best chance to laugh your ass off, and see California's famed Giant Sequoia Redwood...all in the same Evening. My likes include Movies, Writing, Reading, intimate conversation, and epic turns of cat-whispering. If you have ever had the desire to take on the rewarding avocation of caring for a huge and growing staff, please apply immediately. You must be a real eager beaver, flexible enough to accept entry-level positions, and be very 'hands on'. Isn't it time you finally found a man who could COMPLETELY fill that void in your Life?




 I've listed 50 descriptors below that I prize highly in a woman. I confess that some of them are physical- I'm a man, not a Saint. Give yourself a point for each one that you honestly believe applies to you. Some of you clever clogs will notice I've included some descriptors more than once- gather ye bonus points while ye may! If you score 35 or more, we should talk. If you score 40 or more, you can come over with luggage-

1.enthusiastic, 2.curious, 3.passionate, 4.callipygian, 5.brilliant, 6.witty, 7.humorous, 8. bibliophilic, 9.gorgeous, 10.wise, 11.honorable, 12.philosophical, 13.music loving, 14.animal loving, 15.an accomplished fellatrix, 16.compassionate, 17.imaginative, 18.nurturing, 19.loyal, 20.exclusively monogamous, 21.amorous, 22.busty, 23.hedonistic, 24.amusing, 25.hard-working, 26.opinionated, 27.sophisticated, 28.visionary, 29. an accomplished fellatrix, 30.considerate, 31.loving, 32.iconoclastic, 33.wise, 34.voluptuous, 35. polymathic, 36. busty, 37. passionate, 38.callipygian, 39.witty, 40.wise, 41.playful, 42.sagacious, 43.erudite, 44.amorous, 45. moral. 46. brilliant, 47.mellifluous voiced, 48. exclusively monogamous, 49.affectionate 50. ribald.





 Yes, it's true...I'm a conversationalist capable of hilarious wit on a staggeringly gargantuan scale. By the same token, I'd like to think that said wit might help you overlook my size, and allow me to put your Cat out for the Night. If you love to laugh your ass off...that is, until it's time for your brain to download visual and tactile evidence of my benign 'giganticism', drop me a line and let me fill you in. I'd prefer a woman who is between 18-52 years old, in good health, no STDs, has fewer than three cats, who has no Clingy umbilical cord-like Girlfriends, no violently jealous Biker exes, no history of Gangs or Gang Bangs, AND WHO DOES NOT reconcile her checkbook with an Ouija Board (i.e...."Spirit Dude...like...how much did I write check number 3209 for?"...). Oh, and if in addition to a wonderful mind, you have MONSTER SWEATERMEAT and bravura fellatio skills...the lineaments of soulmate are starting to materialize. In the bedroom, I consider myself both an ace pilot and seasoned world traveler, but I do hope that like me you'd rather not travel All Nippon Air Lines, or its acronym in the bedroom. To my mind, some places aren't much worth visiting.




If you've ever envied Dirty Harry when 'ignoranuses' violating the atmosphere with rap 'music' are beside you in stalled traffic, you just might be my PERFECT WOMAN. If you ever wanted to slap the Holy, living shit out of somebody who was standing far too close behind you in a very long Bataan Death March-like line at the Bank on a hot humid day, talking FAR TOO LOUD on their Bluetooth, we're already close to soulmates. Naturally we're too civilized and otherwise rational to ACT upon such impulses, but we smile just a little bit at the very notion that if we had an idiot button in the palm of our hand, there'd be a few less of the behaviorally retarded in the World each and every day, and we'd be helping Natural Selection along.


If you're not 'gorgeous' or slender, don't apologize in your response, please! I am attracted to BRIGHT women in nearly every human female body size...well, say 2-18 anyway, from 4'10"- 6'2". Sadly perhaps, I'm not attracted to even the brightest dwarfs, conjoined twins, bearded ladies or circus fat ladies. Please note I do prefer big tits to small tits, and prefer huge tits to big tits, but that doesn't mean a small-breasted dame couldn't substitute bravura fellatio skills for Double Ds. I try and be flexible. Oh...and I ASSUME you swallow, unless you state specifically otherwise.


If you've noticed by now that I've made innumerable innuendos as to being extremely well-endowed, give yourself the Bonus Cookie. The benign giganticism I was blessed with and the frequent majestic erections that will pop up during even our most innocuous conversations are something I'd want you to be prepared for in advance. I'd prefer that you consider my benevolent genetics a sort of signing bonus, but not your sole reason in choosing to play for me.


Due to overwhelming 'automated' response from Bots and Cam Whores, I ask that you please mention something specific that indicates you've actually READ THIS AD. Please send as many pics as possible- as soon as you've responded to this posting and I've replied with my direct email address. I understand you cannot attach larger pics in your direct response to this posting, but I will expect at least one face and one body pic with your first response. Again, you won't have to be model-gorgeous for me to pick you up on B*O*N*A*R- size 2-18 is fine, okay? Oh, and Guys...no reason to send me...'Are you interested in a bi or gay encounter?' emails. 'NO' in advance.




I VASTLY PREFER responses from atheists and agnostics. Practicing Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, etc. are probably not a good fit for me. In a nutshell, I'll likely find problems with any sort of religious affiliation that gets in the way of you giving ME enthusiastic fellatio, or asks you to confess of it. I've similarly NO INTEREST in bartenders, cocktail waitresses, exotic dancers, actresses, musicians, escorts and prostitutes.. Oh, and rock crystal, Atlantis, Scientology, pyramid, brainwave entrainment, neurolinguistic programming, reiki, astrology, feng shui, auras, channeled info, remote viewing, ShaoLin, Jedi Knight, Bene Gesserit (etc.) people KINDLY STOP READING NOW. Oh, if you've ever boiled your ex-boyfriend's daughter's pet bunny in a pot on the kitchen stove, PLEASE pass me by. NO BUNNY BOILERS! This means YOU.



An issue that's occasionally surfaced for me in the past is that the girl that I'm dating has a strong connection- whether conscious or not- with alcohol and alcohol-enabled behaviors. As an occcasional social drinker myself, I don't mind social drinking, but if you work as a cocktail waitress or bartender, hang out in bars with friends etc, or frequently find yourself the designated driver for designated drunk friends, It's not likely I'd be a good match for you.


But if the continuum of alcohol is an area of discomforture for me, I try and be flexible in areas where others aren't very accommodating. I don't smoke myself, but don't mind smokers. And disability is a virtual non-issue for me...so long as you're still capable of that Most Golden of All Silences. One dame wrote saying she was mute, and asked if that would be a problem...Well...Not so long as it's okay if pointing to my groin as I nod my head enthusiastically 'Yes!' suffices as my sum total Sign vocabulary. Religion and politics aren't big issues for me either- so long as you've taken a Vow of Absolute Silence against both of them. Some of you might think- Aha, but he said he would listen to me! Listen to you within reason, I will. I won't listen to nonsense or horror AND certainly non-sensical horror- I won't listen to your plans to bomb the Pentagon, make meth, harm animals, abduct children or vote Republican without taking the next plane, train or automobile AWAY from you FOREVER.

If you'd like a response to your response, I ask you to please spend some energy and time thinking about what you're looking for and putting it into words. I'm VERY interested in your mind. Without your mind engaging me, NOTHING else would work. I want to know about YOU. What makes you tick. Be as honest and as candid as possible. Only the greatest poseur amongst us insists that he or she is only responding to CL ads 'cause I thought it would be fun'. If we're here, we're addressing some intrinsic human need, some basic element in our animal hard-wiring, some desire to belong to an extended entity that is both bigger and more complete than the individual alone.







If you're thinking, this guy just wants to 'meat' me, you couldn't be more wrong. Of course I intend on putting the Heavy Meat to you as often as possible if we find our way to a committed relationship, but I'll take the time to get to know you first...before I ever want to meat you. Candidly and for the Permanent Record,... I MYSELF DO NOT PUT OUT ON THE FIRST DATE. Nor usually the second date, either. Granted, superb persuasive skills on your part and I'd likely consent to allowing you to give me a 'goodnight' in-my-car BJ of touching sincerity in front of your house at the conclusion of our first date. But I'd not accompany you inside. I have few standards, but those I have are rigorous.


Ladies, if I learned anything from my years on this Planet, it's that most of y'all women-folk navigate your lives with a finely-tuned emotional intelligence that we mere men can barely articulate, much less comprehend. I promise not to mind you admiring diamonds at full Mall retail or being overly-kind to the mildly retarded if you promise to come enter my life and bed very, very ready to play in the Big Leagues. Time is of the essence in this mutual sharing of human resources. Certainly, you have at least one opening any man would be happy to fill and I have several extremely rewarding positions available for you on my large and growing staff."

Soooo, does your man have the "right" education?


http://jacksonville.craigslist.org/m4w/3211320359.html

UPDATE: The Breast Inspector

Last week we sent an email to the Breast Inspector asking for his opinion of Man Boobs' rack. Unfortunately, the Breast Inspector has not responded. It seems he was either insincere with his offer to provide ratings of breasts, or unimpressed with Man Boobs'. Sorry, Man Boobs. Guess you will never know what men think of your tits.

Oh well....

Friday, August 17, 2012

Male Fantasy Comic



(click image to enlarge)
 
Male Fantasy comic created by Studs of Craigslist

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Block your face and show me your tits please Cont....

After careful consideration we decided to contact the Breast Inspector and contract his services. 

Here is a screen shot of the email...

 You may recognize these tits from Maybe We Missed Something...

Stay tuned to see what the Breast Inspector has to say about Man Boob's rack! 

Block your face and show me your tits please

The Breast Inspector says: "I think there's nothing hoter looking than a nice set of tits.
They can be small or large, firm or soft, big or small nipples, soft or hard nipples ... they all look great.

Ever wonder what guys think of your chest? (Actually spend every day and night fretting over it. No, really. Top concern.)
Let me rate your tits for you, just block out your face (if you want to) and send me your pics of your chest (So glad you are so selfless and are willing to offer this service. The world could really use more men who are selflessly willing to stare at bare breasts!).
Full body and close-ups work best. I promise to never shopw or use your pics for anything other than for myself but  if you have a concern feel free to block out your face.

Any questions feel free to email me and ask.
Here are a few samples to help you decide what to send me."

Whoa, whoa, hold on... You just promised to never show or use the pics for anything other than yourself BUT you have provided samples? Starting to rethink this whole thing....

 Image censored by Studs of Craigslist

 

 http://jacksonville.craigslist.org/m4w/3207236639.html

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Travel with me

It's every woman's dream to be swept off her feet...

Built Like a Defensive Tackle says: "I'm here in colonial hts. Va and I'm a truck driver and travel all over. I'm looking for a women between 20-35 to travel with. U don't need money I got u covered. I'm a good man with a big heart. I'm only here 4 till later today about 4:00pm I'm leaving heading for Kentucky. I'm 6'1 265 white male, blue/green eyes built like a defensive tackle. If u want a man to treat u like a women deserves then I'm your man."

 ...to truck stops all across America. 

It will be far from romantic or exotic. You will be in a truck for more than 12 hours of every day with someone you just met and may not like. And your dead body could be dumped in a place no one would ever know to look for you! What could be better?!

Seriously, does anyone wake up thinking "I want to hop in a vehicle with someone I met off of Craigslist today and ride off into the sunset?" Because if they do, then they deserve whatever comes their way. 





http://richmond.craigslist.org/m4w/3206675992.html

Stud Tip # 13

 Advice that should be obvious...

When you want to pretend that you are not interested in humping someone's leg, only post pictures of yourself wearing clothes. Naked pictures, especially ones featuring your johnson, contradict statements like "Not looking for sex", or "looking for a good time...not sex". 

Summary:  

Naked picture = Definitely looking for sex
Not naked picture = Looking for sex, but not being an ass about it







Tuesday, August 14, 2012

REAL relationships

This man is here to fill you in on the TRUTH about looking for love (or lovin') on Craigslist.

Preacher Man says: "Time to put the truth out there to Ladies looking for love on craigslist. We are not all perfect non smoking, non drinking , non Drug doing Christian cowboys, on this site (That's an understatement.). You want the perfect man its not going to happen. Perfect men will be found on paid dating sites (No, no they won't...Perfect men are like unicorns. Lots of stories about them, but no one has ever seen one.). Here we are to poor or to cheap to pay for that. Its time to be REAL about who you want, and who you are likely to find on Craigslist. Im going to be REAL with what i am looking for.
I want a crazy, adventurous woman, preferring a BBW. in the 200- 250 pound range.
I want a woman with a gigantic sexual appetite.
A woman who drinks, smokes, and 420 friendly.
A woman between the ages of 36-50.
A woman who wants to fall in love FOR REAL, and be with a man who will adore her
Only things i dont want, scammers, hookers, or those bots that try to get me to join some verifying site.
Attach a pic with your reply and in the subject line put Im a Crazy Woman. NO PIC NO REPLY"

So, remember...They are not all perfect, non smoking, non drinking, non drug doing Christian cowboys on Craigslist! Many also do not have jobs, cars, all of their teeth, or friends. In other words, if you have standards...you best look elsewhere because Craigslist is like the clearance rack of dating. The studs of Craigslist are cheap, probably dirty, and most likely damaged.


 http://springfield.craigslist.org/m4w/3187297541.html

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Wanna Have Fun?

In the Buff says: "Looking for a lovely and kind lady to have some fun... not sex, just maybe a nice walk, hike, go to the beach, etc..... here's a body shot (minus face and ___ = if you send a pic of yourself, I can send a pic of either of these)....

I'm a nice guy, friendly, FUNNY, intelligent.... and single!"

No sex huh??

 
Then why are you naked? You're sending mixed messages.

 http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/m4w/3201347328.html

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Lets have a double date

Still Gets Carded says: "Me:
Attractive, healthy, clean, 40( I still get carded), short dark hair, funny, bored.

My roommate:
Healthy, attractive, clean, 24, short dark hair, five o'clock shadow, funny, bored.

(It's interesting that you ordered the adjectives to describe yourself and your roommate differently. Are you implying your roommate is not as attractive as yourself, although he may be healthier? It's good that you are both clean. That's important.)

What we want:
(Sex.)
We are looking for two friends who want to come over & have fun.
*******SEND A PICTURE PLEASE &/OR A PHONE NUMBER******(WE WILL ALSO)

We have drinks, snacks, entertainment & us. We have a big decent house, good attitudes a pool table, WTC.

If your interested get back asap. Hopefully you can come over now & we can have fun throughout the night ;)"


You have two bottles of booze, that don't even appear to be full, and a bag of doritos. That hardly counts as "drinks and snacks". What does WTC stand for? Wu Tang Clan? Want to Craft? Or were you trying to say "etc..."? Your slack ass offering of "drinks and snacks" is probably a good representation of everything else you think might be of interest.

  http://portland.craigslist.org/wsc/m4w/3199371224.html

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Shiny Spandex Guy Will Never Go Away

Ever. 

The title of today's ad by Shiny Spandex Guy was "No Sex Please"...because women hound him for sex all the time. That is actually why he has been posting on Craigslist for over a year now. The ladies just can't get it through their head that the sharing of his penis is serious business. He will not just let anyone take a ride on his baloney pony. No! When you deviant, sex crazed, women of Craigslist beg and plea with him for immediate sex...it instantly ruins your chances of ever becoming Mrs. Shiny Spandex Guy. And so the search continues for a decent woman, who can keep her vagina in her pants but also enjoys hosiery, sex toys, cat suits, shiny spandex, role playing, and is preferably Asian, but not BBW. Oh and works. And does not have house pet allergies.

Shiny Spandex Guy says: "Sweet, loving, successful SWM 44, seeking a healthy, d&d free, height-weight proportionate SWF 18-43 with an hour glass figure for serious friendship and an everlasting, monogamous, romantic relationship that will last.
(Nothing short term. No married or attached ladies. No house pet allergies. No BBWs. No one who thinks being dominant means the guy will clean your house.)
I am not a hotty, (just average in looks), but I am 6' tall, 195lbs, with rich-thick dark brown hair and blue eyes. I have a lovely, easy-going lifestyle to offer the right girl. I own my own beautiful 3 br house and luxury car.
I work from home and do well for myself. I think girls who do not work are lazy, and girls who enjoy working are sexy.

(As previously mentioned in another add... This is not a skate all day give away!)
I hope you and I may share some of my common vanilla interests: video gaming, board gaming, biking, tennis, swimming, lattes at a coffee house, laser tag, plays or musicals at a performing arts center, and traveling to really fun places.

Sexually, I want someone who is open to role-playing d&s when we are alone. A lady who is comfortable playing the dominant role or can switch between dominant and submissive.
A lady who loves lots of lingerie (i can provide), loves hosiery, adult language, tease and denial, LOTS of sexy-toys. I can switch, and prefer you can to. (No ladies who are strictly submissive please).
I'm not looking to be someone's cuckold, but I would like to find a lady worth enough to put me in chastity when we are not together. Not physical chastity,
but rather a symbolic mental chastity, (where I must abstain 100% when we are not together).

(Hmmmm.... Could that be monogamy you speak of?)

When you write me, I must be able to tell if you are a spammer or not, so please do tell me your name, age, favorite activity/hobby,
the town you are writing me from and then put 'your love' in the subject line so I know your not spam. Your photos get mine, not the other way around."

























And in the event you are new around here, you will want to read these other posts on Shiny Spandex Guy:

Do you share my fetish? 
Shiny Spandex Guy is Back 
Shiny Spandex Guy. Yes, Again... 
Shiny Spandex Guy Part 4 
Update on Shiny Spandex Guy 
Live-in Position 

Today's Shiny Spandex Guy ad was brought to you by a reader. Thank you! 
Reader submissions are always appreciated.  
 
 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/cas/3144577541.html

6ft 4in Blue eyes, ISO LTR, Passion and bliss

This guy has been applying for jobs so long he can't seem to get out of resume mode.

Keyword Guru says: "If interested please send a photo when responding if not then the best of life and love to you.

If you seek honesty, loyalty, passion, compassion, confidence, humility, sensitivity, understanding. I consider myself ecclectic, strong physically and mentally, intellectual, skilled, diverse in abilities, professional. Life experienced. I would enjoy cooking fine cuisine, movies, picnics, what ever your heart desires, together in quality companionship. Sunsets and moonscapes, mountains, rivers and deserts. I am compelled to help the suffering and less fortunate. If this feels right then maybe it is. Contact me.

I like passionate and excitable, yet stable and mature, devoted and considerate, calculating yet spontaneous, knowledgable of history and contemporary World conditions, living in the moment while planning for the future together with similar perspectives and objectives."

Also comes with an impressive collection of business attire....

Casual Suit- Perfect for business lunches



Used Car Salesman Suit -  Tops for selling hunks of junk
 

Funeral Director Suit - Ready to serve all of your dead body needs
 

http://portland.craigslist.org/clk/m4w/3189728852.html

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Modern Romance Week 3


Related Posts: 

 Original Post, Modern Romance Week 1, Modern Romance Week 2

Move-In BF Here

Unemployed and Homeless says: "I am 27, and looking for a woman that would enjoy having a male companion move in. Found myself in a bind and with nowhere to go. Roommate has to take off to Montana since his mother had a stroke, which leaves me needing out of here by the 13th of this month. (And of course the first solution to this problem he could come up with was whoring himself out on Craigslist.)
If you're interested... I can be a good partner for you. Whether you're only wanting friendship, benefits, or a relationship.
I'm 5'9", 160lbs, well hung. I'm intelligent, humorous, witty, clean, and know how to cook. I also enjoy waking my girl up to breakfast, or to make love, on random occasions. I like movies and music as well (It would be interesting to meet someone who does not like movies or music...). Cuddling up on the couch in the evening sounds lovely.
I also enjoy fishing, hunting, camping, hiking, swimming, etc.

I don't drink or do drugs (don't mind if you drink, as long as you aren't a drunk). I am a smoker, though I can do this outside if necessary. I work e-bay but haven't had a chance to set that up yet since I've only recently moved here (So, you don't work Ebay. You think about working Ebay...someday. What you are really trying to say is you are unemployed with no future plans of looking for a job...). It's good money when I have a vehicle (...and that you don't have a car).

Please respond when a phone number, and what you're interested in, exactly. Thanks, and have a good one."

Boy, you sound like a catch. 


 http://boise.craigslist.org/m4w/3188504687.html


 

Friday, August 3, 2012

Do you like men who are Interesting, Unique and just "DIFFERENT"

"Different" says:  "Greetings, I just thought I would hop on here and let you know that the chupacabra has been sighted in both Nampa, and parts of Caldwell. So please watch your children, cars and pets or they will likely perish.

OK.., for real now, I am 27.8, 6 foot 1 inches tall, and I live alone in my own dinosaur adorned apartment located in Nampa, I have been told I am kind of unusual and very different from most people , some have gone so far as to call me eccentric. I dont know what I am actually, im kind of still figuring that out myself. But I do enjoy my existence on this planet immensely, even if I live in the vicinity of a goat sucking cryptozoological animal.

If you are stuck in a rut or are very familiar with monotony then perhaps you should consider chatting with me sometime, I might just help break the cycle. I have many hobbies, too many to list all of them here. A few of them are reading and learning, listening to electronic music, arranging nursing home boxing tournaments, hanging out with good friends, bear farming, and camping.

I must warn you, there is not a whole lot in my life that I take too seriously, and I enjoy having fun and meeting new people. I am a HUGE HUGE science nerd, but not the socially inept kind who talk to themselves. I just enjoy knowing how the world works and how we got here.
I am looking for some WIMINZ to talk to and possibly meet. If you are any of the following please contact me so we can get acquainted.
NERDY, UNORTHODOX, NICE, INTERESTING, INTELLIGENT, UNIQUE, CARING, FUNNY, POSSESS THE ABILITY TO FLY OR PLAY DEAD, LIKES SCIENCE, LOYAL, TRUSTWORTHY, OR CAN SAFELY DETAIN A RABID IGUANA as well as being HONEST.

You dont have to be all of the above, but I like to meet individuals who are friendworthy, non conservative, and who also dont take everything in life extremely seriously and likes to have a good time. If u decide to message me, there is a good chance that you will not regret it. But who knows now-a-days.... Alright I have to GTFO (leave) now because I have to get these godamned drunk gazelles out of my effin house somehow................any suggestions?
I hope to hear from some of you..
Godspeed"

Very different, indeed. If by different you mean just like every other 16-21 year old guy, who is trying be "different"...except of course you are almost 28 and should probably be out of that phase by now.

And now for an example of what his "O-face" looks like...because you know how important it is to preview the "O-face" before you actually commit to communicating with someone. For the first time. Ever. 
























 

http://boise.craigslist.org/m4w/3177726641.html