Wednesday, October 24, 2012

It's a bad hat kind of day...

So, which is worse? Don't even know what the one on the left is or the sombrero on the right?




http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3361289043.html






  



Tuesday, October 23, 2012

50 Shades... - m4w - 48 (Lebanon [Your Bedroom])

That's right. He's located in your bedroom. Perhaps under your bed, or hiding behind the door.

This is also a limited time offer and is warrantied! 

 
Kilted Massage Man says: "You've read the book, maybe even the whole series. . . probably worn out a whole 20-pack of batteries in your vibrator over it (Oh yea! How'd you know? Women everywhere have abandoned all responsibilities to lock themselves up with their book and vibrating friend. mmm hmm). . . but have you ever experienced it first-hand? Ever wondered what it's like to taken by a Natural Dominate? Or, maybe, you have and wish to experience it again.

(If so, you're in luck. Because Kilted Massage Man is here to help you!)

Well, let me tell you a little bit about me and see if you like what you're reading: I am 5'11"; I have green eyes; about 210#; and I learned long ago that most men are small enough to fit into pants. So, I threw mine away and have worn a Kilt ever since, and I don't take any grief over that fact! LOL (He wears a kilt.) I am the type that is extremely self-confident and tends to be a "commanding presence" when entering a room, but then this should be obvious since I wear a Kilt, man-length-hair (Man length hair, you say?), not cropped short like a little boy, and am confident enough in it all to show that deserve said "commanding presence." (Basically, he is too full of himself to realize he looks like an idiot.)

I am very talented with my hands, and nothing compares to a great rub-down of an Erotic, Sensual, or Tantric Massage, they don't call me The Kilted Massage Man for nothing! (Oh good! That would be strange if people called you that for nothing.) So, can you think of a better way both feel relaxed and aroused at the same time? Because you will be so aroused, we can then follow it up with a good old-fashioned sweaty-sex session to make our "workout" complete. That's what it's like to have powerful, confident hands on your body (That is what it's like.... In case you were wondering.). I am DDF, don't smoke (even the 420 stuff), drink only the occasional Adult Beverage, and I have only one slight drawback: I'm not "baby-proof" so you need to be (His baby making juice is potent. The world doesn't need a Kilted Massage kid running around. Nuh uh.).

One last thing, before I am accused of being too long-winded, I do enjoy dining at the "Y" whenever the opportunity comes up and I'm talented enough in this that you will experience one or more serious O's, I know this will not be a problem for you.

Hurry, limited time offer; operators are standing by; not applicable in all locations; some restrictions apply; see dealer for warranty information; actual model has some accessories; not responsible for excessive orgasms; taxes and shipping not included; see owners manual for complete operating instructions; only one in-stock at this price; climax may leave user short-of-breath; actual mileage may vary; coverage not available in all areas; while user may scream "OMG! OMG! OMG!" at climax time, this is not necessarily warranted as a religious experience; your results may vary.

If you are not laughing or at least smiling then perhaps you should NOT hit the reply button (Okay.), as I do have a sense of humor, and like to associate with humans who have one also (Besides humans, who are you associating with?). You could say that my attitude is best summed up by a delightful lady I recently spent an afternoon with, she looked at me and said, "You like to fuck, but you don't like to be fucked with!" (She must have been very bright and witty.) It's true, so I treat others the same way, I will fuck you, but I won't fuck with you, I will leave the latter to the creeps out there, and there are plenty of them! Fortunately, I'm not one of them and I don't have any nasty habits or addictions.

So, if you are real, and want real in return, show me you are real by following instructions, like putting what your bra-size is (if you wear one) in the subject line. Anything else will not even be read.

What are you waiting for? It's not going to lick itself. . . (No, thankfully it won't. That would be even weirder than you being located in our bedroom.)"
  
Additionally, he has included this lovely photograph for illustrative purposes. Ya know, in case you were not 100% convinced of his douchebag status by the description alone.

 

What goes wrong in your life that you end up being Kilted Massage Man? There had to be a wrong turn in there somewhere.   

Kilted Massage Man's ad was submitted by a reader. 
Thank you! Reader submissions are always appreciated. If you would like to see an ad featured on Studs of Craigslist, send an email to studsofcl@gmail.com 
 
http://corvallis.craigslist.org/cas/3315663512.html

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

IM HERE TO RESCUE YOU - 45

 This offer comes with a cell phone included!

Captain Save a Ho says: "IS your life getting bad is your husband cheating is your boyfriend beating you down is he drinking to much is he sitting on the couch all day playing play station,cant hold a decent job ,just fell out of love with him, you feel trapped no place to go ,no one to turn to ,if your reading this and can say yes to the above well lets talk ok heres the deal im a 44 yr old white divorced male living in moore ,im 6ft slim, i have a good job nice home a good heart ,i have you your own new cell so he dosent blow yours up looking for you so if you think you can open your heart again to me , and let me start a new journey with you life is short ,too short to stay in a bad relationship or marriage ,im just looking for love a good woman,honesty faithfullness,so make that leap of faith make the call send that email im here you just got to trust again babe."

Babe? So is 44 or 45? Or more like 50 something? Hmmm?

 Sounds like your run of the mill infomercial....selling you crap you don't need or really want.

"Is your life getting bad?" What the hell kind of question is that. Anyone reading this is on Craigslist looking for some type of love. Of course their life is getting bad. You don't turn to Craigslist for lovin' unless things are bleak. 

Why don't you say what you're really looking for, Capt'n. "Seeking co-dependent, with low self-esteem, to manipulate and control". And that's the crap no one needs or wants. 

 

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3339359954.html

Monday, October 15, 2012

Need help getting over a friend - 23

Looking for a challenge?

Into His Best Friend says: "I've been into one of my best friends since I met her in high school and I can't get her out of my head. It's not going to work out with her because we are stuck in the just friends zone.
I just want to meet a girl who can take my mind off of her and prove to me that she's not the one.
Maybe a blonde, seeing how she's a brunette.
I'm real and whatnot."

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! Who doesn't want a man that's in love with another woman? Jeez.... That doesn't reek of loserness at all.


Oh and your bracelets are stupid. They may have something to do with you being in the "friend zone". 

 http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3339714621.html

Saturday, October 13, 2012

rainy day lets snuggle - 32

Are you a fan of horror? 

Good Guy says: "Off work today sitting in a motel room,im ready to hold someone
and talk maybe more. Im 32 ex military have a college education.
Im ddf very clean. I prefer white women only,no bs or ganes. Im a
good guy,don't want this to be a one time deal!!! So if ur game come
on over and lets cuddle and get to know one another. Put ur name in
The subject line so i know ur real"

You want someone to meet you for the first time in a motel room? And to cuddle you and maybe more? What do you plan to do with their body afterwards? Oh wait, you said you're a good guy. So it must be safe!

  

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3335962228.html

Friday, October 12, 2012

First time for Gentle woman - 23

He's wearin' a bow tie. That means he has class. 


Mmmm.... underwear pulled down in implicitly sexy fashion. What are you doing?

Sexy Guy says: "Never been with a woman or girl before and want to take things slow with a girl who is gentle and would let me experiment.
Must be white, please be very beautiful and non aggressive and sweet. I like blonds and burnets and I would like to his if you're okay with that (What do you want to do with his???").

My pics attached please send me yours and be able to have me come over and get in bed with you; might like to take a shower together don't really know"


Think you might be trying out for the wrong team.  

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/m4w/3330452015.html

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Kind & Lonely Guy Search for Lady to help not be lonely - 32

Ooooh, damn! Look at those guns!


 And his sexy hat!


Yea right.

Kind and Lonely Guy says: "I'm real and willing to try and meet with a lady to try and see if can have a relationship since last one ended in 2008.

I've not try hard to get into another due to my goal with education completion and that I'm looking for job while in college than my career.

I'm veteran of the United States Navy active from July 7, 1999 to July 7, 2003 and Selective Reserve June 16, 2006 to April 10, 2007.

I've attended Washburn University since 2008, but I had a break in the attendance due to business office hold which force me out.

I do have an Associates of Arts in Pre-Law degree from Butler Community College in Eldorado, KS where went from Jan 2005 to Dec 2007.

The construction here in Topeka is also time consuming and annoying especially when only have down on one side like 21st & Fairlawn.

Also there is the Kwik Shop at 21st & Belle which is hiring now, however, it took it two years to open up for positions since built in Fall 2010.

I'm about to go to my Police Practices and Problems course from 1 to 1:50pm then home to apt to meet with tutor from 2 to 3:30pm, I chat later.

Sincerely

James Thompson"

Think this picture is supposed to be proof that he does indeed go to school. Not really sure, though.




http://topeka.craigslist.org/m4w/3306098026.html

Monday, October 8, 2012

Are you a subbie? - 57 (my 18 wheeler)

 You might want to keep a barf bag handy while reading this one.

Pervy Truck Driver says: "I am seeking a woman who wants to be kept and loved and willing to live on My truck. (Yup, on his truck. You'll get to shower and eat at truck stops! Wooo eeee.)

I am a truck driver seeking a permanent servant. Duties will be varied. you must
read to Me, be naked after dark and in heavy rain and whenever the curtains are closed.

you must be willing to wear a kajira poncho with absolutely nothing under it but you
in public.

Also I will buy you "little black dresses" from time to time. Again, nothing under them
except you. (You sure know how to spoil a woman. Your momma must have raised you right!)

you must be willing to wash Me in the shower every chance I get (Go look at his picture. Don't forget the barf bag).

you must be willing to make Me cum every time I wake up (*dry heave*).

you must wear My collar and lead and kneel to present it to Me whenever you return from
leaving My presence.

you may not wear pants unless the temp is too low. you may not wear panties unless it's
that time of the month (He's very thoughtful.). you may not wear a bra in My presence. Okay. Maybe see thru yoga pants.

you must be exhibitionistic in nature.

I will own you. you will be Mine. you will love and adore Me as I will you.

age (over 18)/race/build irrelavent. Just be My servant. I will keep My servant VERY well."

If you got through all that without throwing up a little in your mouth, go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back. You just leveled up in endurance. Think the poncho is what really put it over the edge. I'm not wearin' a poncho for anyone. No sir.


http://lafayette.craigslist.org/m4w/3275426080.html

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Lets get drunk - 32

Destroyed says: "My ex just fucking destroyed me. she took everything. lets get drunk together fuck it I need a good time!~"

That sounds promising....



 http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/3316569759.html


Friday, October 5, 2012

Sex Maniac Girlfriend Wanted - 48

Not Impressive? says: "Are you a nice girl who loves sex and you would like a relationship with a guy who loves it as much as you do? For me, sex is a way of having the intimacy, passion, and emotional connection needed for a successful relationship. I would prefer to have a monogamous partner who wants a long-term relationship. Please tell me about yourself and send pictures, and I will respond in kind."

Either this is the same guy from Done being picky? or him and his twin brother decided to post ads at the same time. He just used a different pic.



http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/3317608027.html

Done Being Picky? - 48

What he means is, are you ready to settle? Have you given up on your hopes and dreams yet?

Not Impressive says: "Are you finally done looking for your mythical "soul mate" or fantasy man who, even if you met such a person, would not end up being what you thought you wanted anyway? Are you ready to date a real person and do the work to have a relationship where you focus on what you give and not just what you get? Then I want to talk to you!

I am a intelligent, athletic, active, non-smoking, non-drinking, never married guy with no children. I live a simple, non-competitive lifestyle and want to find a partner to enjoy the second half of my life with. Please tell me about yourself with recent pictures and let's get to know each other!"

Most men go on Craigslist and try to convince women they are the best man, the man every woman has been looking for. Not this guy! Nope. He's upfront about the fact that you will not be impressed with him. That's gotta count for something. 



http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/3317614015.html


Thursday, October 4, 2012

im done being bored and dealin wit fakes

Sunshine and Rainbows says: "Ok here's the deal. I'm sick of fakes I'm sick of fuking ads and I'm sick of lieing cheating bitches. If ur a fake ill know. If ur an ad ill hack ur fucking computer to meltdown. If u lie cheat or are just a plain bitch to everyone u meet don't even fucking bother. (His candor is refreshing. One might even say that it is charming. Just depends on what you're into...)
Now that's outa the way. The name is jarret. I live now in rock hill south carolina. A stones throw from winthrop. I currently am living with my mother and helping her out. She has been going through a tough time and I only started living with her to help her through her rough patch. Since most if not al my family members are etheir honstley too busy with they re lives or are just complete assholes. (More of that candor we so enjoy.)
Enough of that. I'm 5 9 white with blk hair green eyes. I'm average build and in my opinion nothing too great to look at but from wat I've been told, cute (You have been lied to.). I do work. Currentlly getting. My shit together. I have been in a few recent relationships that ended badly. I still hurt but just looking for a ear at the very least (He wants to cry to you about all of his bullshit.).
Ill be honest I love sex but I control myself unlike other ravonous dogs out there (He has his good points too, though.). I'm a nice guy but will never be afraid to tell someone off (You don't say.). I drink socially and trying to quit smoking. I love video games and bike rides. I'm looking for a girl who understands my situation. I'm by no means racist or judgemental. I am very open minded so no subject is off limits. I like a girl who is similar. Has a good head on her shoulders at the very least. And her heart in the right place. Some family values would be nice along with a quirky side as me and my family are. Someone who likes walks talks cuddles and romantic dinners but also likes being lazy sexy and a little crazy:-P
I have no problem giving my number but I do have kik. If u read this far I suppose ur interested. Make sure u type your favorite food into the subject line so I know ur not a bot. Don't ask me to sign up for this or that cuz i wont. so hope to hear from u soon"

At least he ends on a good note. 


 http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3306129505.html
 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

gigalo - m4w - 19

Who needs a gigolo?!  Instead of getting sex for free from all of the men giving it away on Craigslist, how about you pay for it? Yea, that doesn't make sense to me either. But good try!

Gigalo says: "I am a gigalo just here for work minimum $20 an hour or quicky no older than 50 years old must be at your place. No marriages, kids, crazy exs or boyfriends. My looks should not be important as long as your getting your kicks who cares bout looks. Will not go down on women but do expect it to be done to me up to you if you want to stop will not force anything (No, of course you're not going to force it. That would be rape. Then you'd end up being someone's bitch in a jail cell.).. Rubbers will be used and provided. Not opened. Contact me. Must work with my schedual and must be legal age and clean. No refunds complete confidentiality."

Let's think this over. 

So not only is he charging, but he's also unattractive.

There's no way he's lasting an hour. I can tell you that. His rate and refund policy are for when he busts a nut after 20 seconds and you are left sorely disappointed. Notice it doesn't say anything about kicking his ass, though. Be sure to point that out when he's on the floor crying. Then, you can tell him you charge $20 per ass kicking and take your money back.

Wait it gets even better! He won't go down on anyone but expects to receive blow jobs. That's right. He expects it. What kind of gigolo are you? You're going to get paid to get head? And you are not attractive? And you don't give refunds?! I think you need to read the job description again.

But he does use and provide condoms. They are even in unopened packages! Surely a selling point... 

A bit of Stud Wisdom: If you're gonna pay for sex, go all out and get yourself someone worth paying for. Not a 19 year old douche bag trying to get laid. 



Gigalo's ad was submitted by a reader. Thanks! 
Reader submissions are always appreciated. 

http://ithaca.craigslist.org/cas/3312586901.html

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Looking for my geek queen!

Geek Prince says: "Do you collect comic books? Do you enjoy video games? Would you rather watch Doctor Who than Gossip Girl? I am tired of having to pretend to be someone else when I date. I am a geek and I am not afraid to admit it. I want to find a girl who likes me for me and not try to change me. I know that somewhere out there is a girl like this and I don't know why they would be cruising this site but hey a guy can try. If you think you are a beautiful geek princess and want a geek prince then please message me :]"


There's nothing wrong with being a geek, but there's everything wrong with that vest. The whole vest with no shirt on "look" is bad. Very bad. Why are you hanging out around your house with a vest on, anyway? Was putting a complete shirt on too much effort? "Eh...a vest will do. It's kind of like a shirt...". Then there's your "I'm too sexy for my shirt" facial expression. You may want to reconsider pretending to be someone else, at least until you stop sucking so much.


http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3306849154.html

Monday, October 1, 2012

attached guy looking for what my girl wont let me do to her

Back so soon? Previous ad: my girls actin like a brat are you the woman for me

Probably Gay says: "Ok I'm 26 190 lbs very fit and very muscular I work construction usually 10 to 14 hours a day with a 20 min lunch and maybe 2 ten minute breaks (What is the reason you are sharing those details? Do you intend to "please" a woman during your breaks?) I'm a great pleaser looking to find a woman who can deepthroat and likes anal race and age isn't important to me I love all races(even though I haven't got to try outside my race yet but curious) and of course I like 18± but I also love older women all I'm looking for is someone slim to thick sorry just my prefrence and no dudes for me at all not gay and definitely not thinking about it my mind works off the female body nothing on a male intrests me at all (Except pounding their ass, of course.) but I does almost make me cum while I'm pleasing that body till u cream on my face fingers dick I'm not scarred my toungue will go places no man has been on ur body well does it sound as good as I look well put what ud let me do to u in the subject line and a pic in the message number is optional but would get immediate response with a pic and number if u leave just a message and a number it'll go in the trash cause ill want to see a pic before calling or txting and if u send a pic we can chat inbox style I guess but to those spammers I'm not signing up for NOTHING IT WILL GO STRAIGT TO THE TRASH ____ I'M FULLY REAL AND HAVE PERMISSION TO PLAY (Last ad you were about to be single...) and this ain't a hit and qiut if we like each other we can see each other however often u would like THIS IS BURGER KING HAVE MY WHOPPER ANY WAY U LIKE (What?) oh and ps I can be very discreet if needed to on ur part cause I understand when u ain't getting what u want from home right I mean we love them and do everything for but why isn't they do everything for us or atleast try it right ill fulfill those fantsys for u want to help me with mine?"

Not at all. 


http://charlotte.craigslist.org/m4w/3308194339.html