Friday, June 29, 2012

Live-in Position - 44

 Who wants to bet this is Shiny Spandex Guy?

 Most Likely Shiny Spandex Guy says: "Classy, sweet, loving and fun SWM in his forties, seeking an attractive, height-weight proportionate single girl for live in position in a big, beautiful, high-tech brick house off Sardis road in southeast Charlotte.

You get to live in a big, beautiful, high-tech home exchange for companionship and sharing half the very short list of chores. Your room is painted a beautiful tropical blue, with large queen sized bed, night stand, dresser, HDTV, and standard sized closet. The straight gentleman works from home, does not drink, smoke, and is not handicap or disabled in anyway. To be clear, this is a true working position requiring real effort on your part, not a skate-all-day give-away.

Must be fun, healthy, fit and very personable.
Must have car, (home is not on a bus line), and
must have a part time or full job to pay for your
own food/toiletries, clothing, and car maintenance.

Please respond with name, age, height, weight, current job (if working),
list of any allergies, list of any health issues, and have photos available
upon request. Please put 'Care Giver', in the subject line of your email
so I know you are not spam. Thank you."

Other related posts:

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I wanna take you to Victoria Secrets

Generous and Chivalrous Male says: "I wanna take you to victoria secrets buy you a nice outfit and go back to my place so you can wear it for me"


Do you really expect this to work? Women can take them damn selves to Victoria's Secret. Most do. Regularly. Gonna have to add something to this deal. Thinking that something might be money.

need some one to love

Sooo... Since you look like you just got molested in this picture, you decided to add balloons and streamers? Cheer it up a bit. Is that what's going on here? Because it's not working. 

Maybe try taking a shower and washing some of that grease off next time. Contrary to popular belief, looking miserable and dirty is not the way to get a woman to want you.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Car meat tonight

A lesson in spelling from Studs of Craigslist: 

meat = food
meet = gathering

Unless of course times have gotten so hard for some people that they can't even afford ramen noodles and  are chewing on cars...

Car Meat Enthusiast says: "Hey anyone trying to go to the car meat to tonight it starts a 7 and ends whenever people ask me what it's like and I tell them it's like what you see on the fast and furious so if your interested just let me know thanks"

Yea... It's like what you see in The Fast and the Furious, just with out the fast and furious parts or attractive people with muscles and stuff. BUT there are cars! and meat? or something... 

Car Meat Enthusiast's ad was submitted by Ellen. Thank you! Reader submissions are always appreciated!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

random pleasures

Has Amazing Stamina says: "Ate you looking for just a random roll in the hay? Feeling a bit hot and bothered? Well hows this sound get in ur car pick me up and let me go down on you! (It's a wonder we're still sitting here and not high tailing it over to take you up on that offer...) I just moved here from NYC and have the desire to see if southern girls are as freaky as I hear they are (Where are you getting your information? Dukes of Hazzard? You're in the heart of the bible belt. If by freaky you mean doing it with the light on once in a while, you might be in luck.). I am 44, drug and disease free and have amazing stamina. This is for any local woman who has the itch that needs a good scratching (Crabs?). It can be rather simple, you pick me up, we can find a nice quiet place and I will please you every way you like (Will you punch yourself in the face?)
When ur satisfied, drop me off and drive away, pretty simple. Contact me so we can work out the details. Safe sex only, condoms ate a must (Damn... Hate using condoms while having casual encounters with weirdos from Craigslist. How are we supposed to make babies like that???) and I m well stocked. Married women who's old man ain't quite doing his job are very welcome. Put "bone me" in the subject line. Recent photo a must or ur reply will be ignored."

Male Fantasy cartoon was created by Studs of Craigslist. 

Has Amazing Stamina's ad was submitted by Ellen. 
Reader submissions are always appreciated!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Lonely musician searching for love

Lonely Musician says: "I don't know why it's so hard to find people on these dating sites......Oh well, anyway, my name is Abbot (and yes that is my real name LOL)........I'm a guitar player, music is my life, i wouldn't trade it for anything else. I'm just wanting to casually date, because i don't have time for anything long-term right now, being busy playing music all the time (All. The. Time. He is busy being a loser and doesn't have time for grown up things like relationships. Also, his mom doesn't allow him to have sleepovers...or so we assume.).

I wanna find a sweet, loving, caring, bright, heart-melting girl who has a crush on musicians, how retarded does that sound? (Very!) LOL, it's not easy for me to describe things the way I want to describe them (Aren't you like supposed to be an artist and aren't artists usually good at describing things the way they want to describe them?), but as long as you get what i'm saying...I get pretty lonely not having anybody (That you'd like some groupies, because being a musician without them pretty much sucks, but you're never going to be famous enough to attract any so you came on Craigslist to see if you could find someone with enough issues to actually be interested in touching your pee pee? Yea, we got that.) ."

 The following pictures illustrate Abbot's gradual demise. 

Abbot at 20 something.
Abbot at 30 something.

"Ahhhh!" 40 something? Jeez....

Why do people do that in their personal ads? Showing younger, better looking pictures, just make what you look like now that much worse.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Never been kissed - m4w - 29

 Possibly because you look like one of Santa's helpers. There aren't a lot of women out there that are into that kind of thing.

 Virginal Male says: "Virginal male seeking female to hook up with in Bowling Green, Warren County area, and possibly more l8tr. I have a car and a steady job, and wish to add a meaningful relationship to the mix (and sex would be great!). Please send e-mail with photo. Will respond to e-mail with photos only. Don't check my mail often (Translates to "I don't get mail often"), so be patient. Ladies only please!"

MAKE A BABY??? - 32

Sure. Let's do it. Seems like that is the way to go these days. Make babies with people you find on Craigslist. 

Peer pressure wore us down, damn... 

In a Situation says: "Hi, I would like to know if there are any women on here ready to start a family or have a baby together? I am not here to play any games and is serious about this with someone who is willing also. I am Asian and do not have a race preference. Please tell me more about you and what you are open to also. Looking to meet someone who is in the same situation as I am"

What situation is that? Stupid?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Update on Shiny Spandex Guy

Shiny Spandex Guy finally got that big TV he's been talking about! 'Bout time Shiny Spandex Guy. We've been waiting on that for almost a year now.

Shiny Spandex Guy says: "Not really seeking a barbie doll. (That's good, because you're no Ken.)

Professional, very successful, high powered businessman SWM, with a lot to offer in a relationship.
I'm seeking a SWF who also has something of value to also offer at the table.
I don't care what it is that you can offer, whether it's money or a smoking hot body,
but please have something real and of value to offer.

I love all ladies, but BBW/Fat girls should pass me by."

Because if it's a smoke'n hot body you have, he can make money by selling your naked pictures and amateur porn videos online! Or something...  Wonder why he didn't mention anything about the cats this time? 

Anyway, you can read more about Shiny Spandex Guy by visiting these links

Do You Share my Fetish?

Shiny Spandex Guy is Back 

Shiny Spandex Guy. Yes, again.  

Shiny Spandex Guy. Part 4.  

Shiny Spandex Guy is a regular around here. But surely he won't be on the market long now that he has that big TV!

secret gloryhole blowjob for str8males by a yng

On the Other Side of the Glory Hole says: "27 yo ddf mixed good shApe looking to suck off a str8 guy NOW THRU GLORY HOLE (POSTED PIC).. come in , I suck and YOU go.. no face will be seen by u or me.. BUT YOU MUST SEND STATS OR COCK PIC IF YOU WANT A BLOW NOW.. HURRY TIME IS LIMITED TODAY!"

So... This is a service you offer regularly to "str8" guys, but NOW you offer it through a glory hole? Because offering to blow random people on Craigslist wasn't weird enough for you? You needed to put up a piece of plywood with a hole cut out in your kitchen? The duct tape is classy. Can add that to the one million uses for it, "Prevents splinters while utilizing ghetto ass glory holes".


Saturday, June 2, 2012

picture says it all

Doing Pushups in Front of Cat Guy says: "lets play"
 What are we playing? Charades? Umm.. Umm... We got it! You're being an idiot? right? Right.

 That pussy doesn't look amused or to be enjoying itself while you're doing whatever it is that you are doing. Ours probably wouldn't be either. This isn't very good marketing of whatever you are trying to offer or accomplish. We're not exactly clear on what that is, yet... although the title of your ad clearly says "picture says it all". Hmmm....