Saturday, July 14, 2012

I'm a little crazy but that's how I roll

As are most of the other people posting personal ads on Craigslist. So, you're in the right place.

 "First and foremost, I am rather shy when it comes to talking to women. I capable of speaking but I stammer my way through the conversation. Some of you ladies might find that cute while others will say that it is because I am "cowardly". If your the type to think that, well then honey, I have some news for you! Get the stick out of your butt and relax. I am sorry but not all of us could be born with parents who gave a damn and pushed us to do "great things" and now you are stuck in a mediocre job that you hate or your in some special "clique" that shields you from the onslaught of critisizm of the "lesser crowd," all of whom are just trying to find themselves rather than fit into your damn social conformity crap. If this is the case, take a good hard look in the mirror. I would rather have a girl be herself than conform to some stupid (expletive redacted) that the media is feeding you these days.

What is it about Craigslist that makes people on go on these rants? "...not all of us could be born with parents who gave a damn and pushed us to do 'great things' and now you are stuck in a mediocre job..." Really how could anyone think it is a good idea to include that information in a personal ad? Are you trying to find someone to ride your baloney pony? or are you looking for counseling?

1)If you are not an individual with your own set of ideas, opinions, likes and dislikes, you are not for me. I apologize. (Do you think people will honestly be able to determine this about themselves? It is highly doubtful anyone is walking around thinking "I'm a poser douchebag who can't think for myself")
2)If you write "lik a frking idiet wit no edumacation," please see yourself to the door. I prefer a woman with intelligence with common looks rather than extreme beauty with an empty head.
3)I don't really give a damn if you were popular in highschool. (I just wanted to say that.)
4)My musical interests probably outdate what is on the radio these days. Either that or it is not played on the radio for fear of causing an uprising in the mindless hoard of zombies listening to how this rapper screwed this chick or how much money he makes... The stuff I prefer ranges from 1940's- late 1980's with some newer stuff strewn in when there is meaning behind the song
5)I smoke. I know alot (The alot, a must read!) of you don't like it but it's something that I do. I do not smoke Marlboro Reds as they taste like lights. You are probably thinking "What the hell does this guy smoke if Reds are like lights for him?" Answer: Lucky Strikes Filterless AKA A Real Man Cigarette (Shows his level of determination. He wants to make sure there is no doubt that he will get cancer.)
6)I play guitar alot. By alot, I mean, I have it behind my seat in my single cab Tacoma and it goes where I go.
7)I have an uncanny knack for not getting killed (All of us who are still alive do, or else we would be dead.). To date, I have been struck by 5 cars (You're a slow learner.) (1 of which I was driving in Afghanistan. Ask about it... You will laugh), stabbed by various objects (This sounds much more thrilling than it really is. By "stabbed" he means poked and "various objects" are common things most people bump into from time to time. Like the corner of tables, low hanging branches, over sharpened pencils, and other such items.), jumped off of my balcony while screaming "Flying Squirrel" (Yea. Hmmm...), sat in a freezing box for months on end without a heater, sat in the same box but this time it was like an oven, broken my finger, my nose, hyperextended my knee and rolled down a big hill while hiking. How did I survive? Duct tape.
8)I believe that the solution to everything lies in duct tape. (You're probably right about that. It would probably get someone through a day with you.)
9)I rarely sleep enough to keep me functioning for a full day before switching to auto-pilot. Even as I write this. I have not slept in over 20 hours.
10)I chase birds because they can fly and I cannot. Screw you, birds!
11)I sound like I am from Boston when in reality I was born in Escondido, California or so says my birth certificate.
12)See number 13
13)This is my favorite number. I was born on this day in February.
14)I had something funny to say about this number but I forgot.
15)If you are, somehow, laughing at what is written on this, then we share something in common already.
16)I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve...

****UPDATE****   (Ooooh, more unimportant crap that no one needs to know. Yay.)

17)I have tattoos. My right arm is pretty much sleeved out. I plan on getting more
18)I want to teach high school when I get out of the Marine Corps. History. Can you dig it?
19)I had to throw a "Warriors" Reference in there.
20)If you want to get to know me, just ask for my number. I'll be more than happy to call if we click.
21)I do cheesy dates but they are awesome >:D Stroll on the beach where we make sandcastles and pretend we are Godzilla in Japan! OH YEAH!
22)I really don't know why I put that crap in 21.
24)I swear I'm not on drugs... other than caffeine.
25)Bring it on!!!
26)I must be honest, I can't dance but I will try if you ask me and if I don't blush first.
27)I dance in movie theaters while the previews play. I don't know why but it's damn funny!
28):D Can you tell me what the hell that is?
29)I'm am a Jedi.
31)I do my best to keep my word.
32)Did you read this? Really? Well congrats! You may just be what I am looking for if you smiled."

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