Wednesday, March 7, 2012

be the queen of my domain - 48

The Almighty Ruler says: "I'm a youthful, good-looking, sexy, resourceful, dominant Renaissance man, brilliant gentleman farmer, entrepreneur, editor/publisher/essayist/screenwriter/author, musician, cook-baker-preserver-butcher-brewer (Are you just hoping one of these catches a keyword search?). I.e., I know how to live off the land--and in style, comfort, luxury. Cash-poor at the moment (Ahhh, we see where this is going.), but rich in property (8-acre farm with spacious, comfortable house), talents, contentment and lifestyle. Seeking an employed woman (mmm hmmm...), 25-45 or so, attractive, fit/rounded, who is attracted to the above and would be ready/willing/able soon to move in for the "reality-show" romance-adventure of a lifetime (Of course by that he means pay his mortgage.). Reply WITH recent, representative photo, put "My King!" (LOL) in subject line so I know it's not spam and that you have the right attitude. I'll leave it up to you how much else to say in your email, but points you could address if you wish are why this could be a fit for you and why I should take a chance on you vs. all the other flighty, self-absorbed, unreliable/psycho women I've encountered in the past couple years. (Oh please, please choose us to pay your bills!!!!)(One, very recently, broke my heart--yes, I have one. Worst she was was unreliable (She wasn't paying the bills on time every month.); otherwise, wonderful (But you liked her vagina?). At least the experience left me confident that passion--and my peak performance, reminiscent of twenty years ago--is still possible. I was afraid I'd left that behind for good as the appealing part of past problematic relationships, marriage.) If you have children, indicate that you are prepared to ally/consult/collaborate with me to properly raise them not to be spoiled, irresponsible, whiny, uncooperative, underachieving brats. I'm not a tyrant or an abuser, I'm pretty laid back, but ultimately parents'/adults' responsibility to kids is to raise them to be not only happy and autonomous but to be able to survive and thrive in their eventual independence (Ya know... giving them the boot.).

We haven't even met you and you're already talking about co-parenting our kids? O_o

And here's a news flash: If we're paying the bills, we're wearing the pants.

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