Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Save your roofies!

Finally!!! Your prayers have been answered. A man that doesn't require drugging to get into the sack. We know it is no easy task getting guys to drop their pants and roofies aren't cheap! 

No Need for Date Rape says: "I know your game. First Drink - "Roofie". Second drink - "Viagra". WaaLaaa you've got yourself a man-doll with a magic stick to play with all-night long. But that's not necessary - save your pharmaceuticals.

Just buy me a drink or two, I'll become pliable in your manipulative (yet supple) hands. You can tell me a story about how you were wronged by a non-gentleman or that you weren't allowed to eat sugar-laden cereal as a child and I will comfort you. Or you can press my hot buttons. Tell me you like music, art, snowboarding, fine dining, biking, sports, movies, travel or The Daily Show. I'm a sucker for that stuff. Once you've established a common bond I'll be putty in your vise-like (yet well moisturized) hands. Or act like you're impressed by my job, giggle at my attempts to be funny or just flash your pearly white grill. It's as simple as that. None of that carrying me out of a bar on your shoulder routine. It'll be like you dunked me in honey and put me in a room swarming with Spanish Flies. You'll have your way with me and I won't know what hit me.

Send me an e-mail and a photo and I'll reply with a photo of your next conquest."

Get real.

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