White, Nerdy, and Comfortable with it says: "I'm more likely to play a video game than go play poker with 'the boys' ... actually, would probably prefer to go play D&D with my friends than go out drinking."
You don't play poker, probably don't have any 'boys', and would definitely rather play D&D than go out drinking.
(Playing WoW)
Mmmmm.... That is so not sexy.
(uhhhhh)
Something isn't right with this picture. It's like his "uhhhh-ness" is burning a hole in our brain or maybe it's That 70's Show wallpaper there in the back.
Gilbert says: "There are limited members at this time to membership has not built up yet. That is no big surprise to me however people have to think about this lifestyle it took me 10 years to actually come out of the closet so to speak. So on that note at present it is just a place to enjoy the pleasures of nudity, relax and maybe even fish in the large spring fed creek. Good chance to bring friends in if you can talk them in it. I am 50 year old single so you can bring me a 28+ year old female I only wish. LOL No fee for membership at this time (You might want to consider paying people to join). Several tents are already in place if they are needed. I have one big one with extra space, get this the rats have two decent size tents to themselves, the husky,bluehealer does his own thing. Then there are two additional fair size tents available. Also a screen house with five chairs. Waterproof storage bins for whatever they are needed for. We are in fact an affiliate as of Sep. 1, 2011 of the AANR at present I am a regular card carrying member. www.aanr.com This facility was not intended to be a nude resort with pool and all, it is more for a total admiration of nature and what she has to offer which also partly explains why I am Wiccan and the club is Wiccan based for the most part anyway. There are lots of wooded property to be enjoyed, the main area is clear. I worked my ass off for the first week as I was getting things ready, heck at one point 65 hours no sleep, just had to get it done. I am determined like that (Ah...so you do drugs. That explains a lot). Hope to enjoy your company here. Oh one comment you might wonder about the rat they are sort of the mascots, I have raised and rescued them since 1999 and know the little guys and gals well they are Domestic Fancy Pet Rats and of course they are in cages in their tents. Don't worry about the membership not being built up yet, personally as director I will enjoy smaller groups at a time more open opportunity for everything avaliable. Of course it is not the focus at all but the property is graced by a 3000 sq ft home above the club area and it is open for use if needed, sort of an ellegant country charm inside and completely, fully furnishied. Don't use it much but in the winter, myself but if I happen to find a roommate through the club I will propbaly use it more. I am looking for someone however any relationshipo here at PhoenixNaturistClubAndRodentry, Inc. MUST be AT least some level ABOVE NSA as per club rules and just a note I would have to be with someone here at the club, as directory I do not have much option to leave the property except on quick erronds. Club rules are also absolutly NO CLOTHES that one should go without saying. There is a place up at the house to leave clothes on the way down to the Club property and this MUST be respected, only exception would be once in a while Wicca Meetings, Wiccam Meeting are clothing optional."
So basically there's a 50 year old naked guy hanging out...literally, by himself in the woods with some rats. You don't have to pay to hang out with him or his rats. You just have to be naked too and should probably not have any cats.
Hmmm...Kinda doesn't sound like much of a club when you put it like that.
Each week we'll offer some obvious advice for improving your personal ad experience and keeping yourself off of the Studs List.
Last week's tip was about describing your status without scaring people away. This week we're going to discuss the desire to procreate.
Your loins may be burning with the urge to create human life and while that is a natural desire... doing so with someone you do not know or randomly find on Craigslist is a terrible idea. Here's a small list of reasons in the event you were deprived of oxygen at birth and do not understand why:
STD's, some of which are incurable
Unknown mental health issues
The fact that you will be permanently attached to a person you do not know for the rest of your life. Why is that bad you ask? You will stop liking this person but by the time you realize it, it will be too late for take backs.
Child support sucks. Think of it as taking out a $100,000+ loan that you have to repay over the course of 18 years.
To sum it up: Don't give sperm to strangers.
(Image has been censored by Studs of Craigslist)
This week's tip has been brought to you by Jon Boy , About to Get Snipped, and countless others on Craigslist.
Another funny one that doesn't make you cry on the inside.
87% Ambidextrous says: "I'm not crazy, the voices in my head finally stopped...I taught them sign language. I'm 87% ambidextrous. I love to laugh... Honestly who doesn't "love to laugh" I see this on every post, are there people out there who are like " oh they're so perfect except they have a sense of humor".
I like to use ... a lot (Hey...we do too!)"
Think 87% ambidextrous means he can pleasure himself with both hands...not exactly sure about that though.
Philip-Rhys says: "My name is Philip-Rhys. 5'5", Filipino, into music, tattoos, film, art, and clubs. I have a dog who is my life."
You have a dog who is your life?
That dog...that one you are holding in the picture....that is your life? Your life is a ball of fur that weighs about 10lbs and licks its butt a good part of the day?? That is very interesting...
What was the "oh yeah!" for? It gave us the impression that something rocked and then you told us your dog is your life and now we are feeling a bit jipped because well... that was lame. Maybe you should shorten the title of your ad to just "oh".
His ad should say: No money for hookers, hoping to find someone extremely drunk, and kind. TIA.
Swamp Creature says: "am a 34 year old looking 4 nsa fun maybe more."
No luck getting a woman to have fun with him in a relationship...thought he'd try no strings attached. Have a feeling the strings aren't the problem guy.
Thank you for including this rather unlovely picture of your penis. We were wondering if you made up for your swamp creature-esque appearance in a Ron Jeremy kind of way but we can clearly see that is not the case.
Diaper Weirdo says: "Looking for a fun woman who would be into doing things a little different. Love to go out, have fun, drink a beer, you know...all the normal things...the difference maker is I have a fetish for diapers.....don't run away....lol....just read....I just think it would be cool to wear them from time to time for a little foreplay. So going to the bathroom in them or anything. I am on the right in the pic."
The diaper is really so you don't soil your undies when he kills you. He wants to save those for sniffing later.
As an added bonus if for some reason you decide to give this a try, you know a picture of you will end up on Craigslist. Have to wonder why the middle finger is censored out. You're wearing diapers. Anyone who would get offended by a middle finger will be far too distracted by that to even care about the hand gesture.
Jon Boy put up a new ad this morning. Yesterday's was flagged for removal for some reason.
Jon Boy says: "I am searching for someone to have my child. I am clean and healthy. I will be by the mothers side thru the whole pregnancy. After the child is born, I would like the child to live with me and possibly gain full custody.if a friendship or relationship develops between me and the mother that is fine too. Email me for more info"
He included more pictures. Few different angles for your consideration...
Jon Boy says: "I am seeking a clean and healthy woman to have my child for me. I don't feel like going through the whole relationship thing just to get a kid. If the woman will carry the cild, I will come to every doctors apt and when the child is born, if the woma will hand over th child and all rights to me I will be a happy camper. If a relationship or friendship comes of this request than that is fine too, as long as I can always see my child. I am clean and healthy and ready to have a child. If you are interested to know more please contact me and leave an email, if you seriously wana know more, leave a name and number. I am a very nice guy, wouldn't harm a fly, just mosquitos, I hate mosquitos, I just know what I want. I want a child. Thanks, Jon"
What exactly do you want this child for? What do you plan on doing with it? You do understand that a child is even more work than a relationship right? At least with a relationship you can break up with the person when you stop liking them or they stop being cute. It doesn't work that way with kids.
Think we see some livestock back there. Maybe he needs more hands on the farm and is trying to go about it the old fashioned way. Immigrant labor must be getting expensive.
Oh and one last thing....
(Image was censored by Studs of Craigslist)
Why did you include images of your baby maker in the ad? Was it to show how serious and ready you are? because that's not what we're getting from it at all. It's a little strange to tell you the truth.
You just know women every where are sitting around thinking to themselves... "You know what I haven't done before? I haven't made and given a child to a complete stranger. A complete stranger that puts pictures of his wiener on Craigslist. I should really try that out sometime."
No... actually don't think that one quite makes the bucket list.
DWM says: "I am a 40 y.o. divorced white man looking for a single or divorced white woman. I am an incurable romantic and love treating my lady like the lady she is. I just got out of a marriage where we had sex only 8 times in 13 months. I am looking for a woman I am sexually compatible with. Looks are not as important to me as personality."
He doesn't care what you look like as long as you'll touch his wee wee.
Is that a picture with your wife?
Judging by the unhappy and unsatisfied looks on both of your faces we'll assume that yes this is a picture of you with your wife. Could you not at least crop her out of the picture? Maybe blur out her face like some of the other fine gentlemen on Craigslist do?? Have some decency man.
Nathan says: "Hi Lovely women of Utah my name is Nathan I have just recently moved here from Las Veags.I am a recent convert of the L.D..S. church. I am very outgoing and I am looking for a woman who knows what she wants and is looking for L.T.R."
From the pictures Nathan included it seems he has left out a few minor details...
(1) Nathan enjoys a good, stiff drink
(2) We can also see he is a proud father
(3) and is, as our Craigslist Studs like to call themselves, '420 friendly'.
This is just a hunch but we're willing to bet Nathan found the lord while serving time in the state pen.
Tanner the Philosophical Pot Head says: "I posted here once before, I got some good responses. Except for the fact that the emails went to my spam box and I had no idea they existed until it was too late. But this time I am going to bare as much of my being as is possible in a box (What made you think that was necessary or a good idea?). I dont want anyone that is not real (awww...shucks). I plan on taking my time and writing this over the course of days (Really? You have nothing better to do with your time than spend it writing and rewriting your craigslist personal ad?) because I really do not have the slightest clue where to begin. I am going to warn you, everything I write will probably seem not connected (thank you for the warning) but in reality everything is connected (Think that only applies to physical matter...not pointless rambling in cyber space). Already I have deleted whole pages 5 times now.
My name is Tanner. Three years ago I tried Marijuana for the first time. I realized that I had been lied to about this substance. Not only that but it opened up a side of what we call consciousness that I have never experienced before (mmm hmmm). So I decided to forget everything I have been taught and figure it out for myself(and I have) (Have you figured out that you don't need weed to think for yourself yet? No. Didn't think so. He's 420 friendly ladies!). I told myself I would not leave out any explanations of what life really is, no matter how weird it may seem. Now here I am free from the shackles of the state controlled consciousness.
I am here because I am figuratively and literally alone...I have not had a girlfriend for a while. Back in the days girls were more common then water. Its so easy to connect with girls when they are forced to sit next to you like in school for example. Now its like a jungle out there and girls seem to not like being hit on in the wild (That probably depends on your approach. Are you clubbing them like Tarzan?). Places to pick up on girls are slim when your out of practice (Yes...when your couch is the only place you hang out things can look pretty bleak). Then there is the fact that it seems the society we live in forces girls to be mindless fucks. Most of the guys I know dont like smarter women(???) and I doubt the rest of society is much different. Dont worry ladies it is not your fault. PEOPLE are fucking dumb (Soooo if people are "fucking dumb" wouldn't that mean it's not just girls society is forcing to be mindless? Ooooo we just got philosophical on you. Go ahead and ponder that one for a while and get back to us). So here is where figuratively comes in. Every time I talk peoples eyes glaze over (Here's a tip...try talking before you start passing the bong around). They either know what I am talking about and do not care, or they just bury their head in the sand. I dont do that, shy away from reality. Bliss is ignorance after all. So I have not been able to find someone in the flesh to connect to.
I am not going to say what I am looking for, what makes life interesting is diversity, And if your the 1% who reads this and is still interested its obvious I am looking for you.
About me: On this journey that I have been going down I have become very spiritual(NOT religious). I believe in consciousness beyond this frequency of matter and vibrations. I do not buy the mainstream bullshit that we have all be indoctrinated with. That there is this one god above all others who commands people to kill millions for shitz and gigglez (Don't think that's exactly what God does. Regardless of whether he's real or make believe his message has been generally accepted as one of love and forgiveness. Soooo yea....). Why would someone who knows and has everything want the praise of some pathetic being who cannot even grasp simple concepts?Im not here to bash on someones religion. Too much of the future has already been lost from people doing that very same thing.And there is truth in everything, even the bible as much as I hate it. Sadly there is no way to express myself without offending (Well there probably is). So if you are offended realize that it was not my intention. And realize you need to fix your perception. I didn't offend you, you did that all on your own. Life is what you make it. Literally.
I enjoy being alone in my mind. I plan on doing it for the rest of eternity. I like thinking about the things that are not known. Now that I am the term some people use "awake", I love being. People tell me I am smart, but really all I know is all I dont. I have taken a couple IQ tests, and as much as I doubt their ability to perform, it is all I have to go on. The scores I got have been between 129-135. Which I guess is up there. Really its just another pointless label. (I cant mean this enough) FUCK LABELS! (Then what was the point of sharing that information with us?). I enjoy reading but I do not do it near as often as I or anyone else should. I like talking about what is "really" happening in the world and not what the media tells people. To keep this paragraph shorter, I love learning about everything.
I am an active person, I love doing anything. Hiking, swimming, skydiving, spelunking. I could write an endless list. I love to try anything once maybe even twice. I found when you open yourself up to something new, not only are you at your most vulnerable, but the greatest amount of growth can be achieved. Whether its emotional,spiritual,mental,physical, or even metaphysical. My life is a giant reminder of that. When I found out I had been lied to my whole reality crashed,burned, and disconnected. But now I am 100 times the person the old me could have ever hoped to achieve. I have a dog, his name is Mac, he is a Pit-bull. The sweetest most cuddle-riffic dog you will ever meet. He has to sleep under the covers between your legs. But ya he requires a lot of exercise so I have to be active.
So in short I am cynical bastard who sees the glass as always full because people are too stupid to define the contents (lol I laughed)(We didn't)(Also dont get me wrong, I love people). I see beauty in all things (How about in the 'stupid' things? Any beauty there? We're sensing some hostility towards stupid). I want to find someone who knows everything about me because they want to. Someone to share all the beauty you see when you find out the secret of living life. That thing that is so simple that everyone forget even me. So I want to find someone who will help remind me when I am at my weakest. Have you known the couples who are best friends? They transcend love even after years and years of being together. Then there are those couples who break up and the girl always says "how could he do this?!" Or "i never would have thought" well the truth is nothing changed. They were the same people before the incident and after the incident. Those couples were always incompatible. They just did not know everything about each other. That or their feelings of betrayal were stronger then their friendship. That will not happen to me. I will always be honest, always loyal, always loving, always me for you. If your as honest as I am, then I can promise my feelings of betrayal will never stop me from fighting for you.
I dont know, I guess these words describe a shade of who I am. I guess they represent me. So if what I have written here are compelling you to enter in the stupid capture picture and write me an email, I am sure we can make something meaningful....like love maybe (or pizza, mmmm pizza.....)."
And now a message from Mr. Mackey....
* Studs of Craigslist does not own the rights to this video or its content. All rights belong to South Park.
Each week we'll offer some obvious advice for improving your personal ad experience and keeping yourself off of the Studs List.
Last week'stip was about planning ahead and posting your ad before getting drunk. This week we're going to elaborate more on describing your status without scaring people away.
Previously we suggested giving yourself sufficient time between relationships so you are not misdirecting the negative feelings you have from the past on to potential new partners. While writing your ad you may be tempted to explain why you are single. Don't. Not everyone thinks you are so wonderful that they need an explanation of your single status. By posting on Craigslist you are already telling the world you have major defects and the people sincerely considering you accept that; most likely because they have some as well. It's a give and take. "You accept my multiple personality disorder and we won't mind your 6th toe". So if your girlfriend left you to do meth or died in a tragic accident it's quite alright not to divulge that information in your ad. Again, a simple "I'm single" is all it really takes. Trust us women won't pass your ad by because they think it's too good to be true.
Takes all kinds of people to make the world go round...
Wants 'em Kicked says: "Im white, 28, male and think its hot when women are aggressive and want to to get kicked in the balls without pissing a woman off. If you think it would be fun to kick a guy let me know. You can just kick or we can hang out and grab dinner or something. Put kick 'em in the subject line so I know you arent spam."
...yes indeed.
Think it takes the fun out of it a little when you want to be kicked. How do you have dinner with someone after kicking them in the balls?? Wouldn't that be awkward? "I'm feeling famished after kicking you in the balls. How about Olive Garden when you're done clutching your privates and crying on the floor?"
Talks Too Much says: "hi girls it occured to me that it is very difficult to get into a relationship with a person for many reasons but two important ones that come to mind are the drama of the ex boyfriend or ex husband and the second is what i call the abundant options theory which suggests that too many options fosters pickiness which leads to confusion and indecision. So many times I or friends of mine have gone out with a girl and a certain song comes on in the car or a place we are hanging out at and all of a sudden there is a blank stare that takes over the girls eyes like the look of a deer caught in the headlights, now what this means to me is that the girl is not over that specific ex and there is still baggage there, or she keeps bringing him up, steve use to do this steve did that me and steve went there, thats a big no no. So thats the first hurdle to overcome, The next problem is that even if the girl has gotten closure us guys are faced with another problem and that is the abundant options problem basically meaning that there are so many guys to pick from how does a girl make up her mind, kind of like shopping for shoes at nieman marcus offcourse you cant buy them all the shoes in the store so you have to decide???? so my question for all of you women is what is the solution and is there hope for any guy that is actually looking for a relationship out there or do we just continue hooking up with the less than average women with compromised self esteem that are just looking for their temporary voids to be filled and not getting emotionally attached to any of them.
So if you have a solution for me id love to hear back"
Which is basically the winded way of saying "I'm not the cream of the crop".
Here's another ad where Talks Too Much uses Judgement Day as a dating ploy. An interesting tactic.
Talks Too Much also says: "good morning ladies and women, it occured to me that there is this huge disparity in the modern dating world. It seems like that 90 percent of the women only want 10 percent of the guys out there, so where does that leave the remaining 90 percent of the guys who arent in demand like me. Dont they say opposites attract which is good for me because im looking for a cute funny interesting lady, which is the opposite of me,since i am boring fugly out of shape and an eye sore. So what am i suppose to do just become a priest and never be able to touch another woman again, or venture to the other side of the fence, but i dont want to i like the silky smooth skin that women provide, cant do the dude thing. So is there any openminded woman out there who can save me. Who knows maybe the big man will give you the best spot in the front when we all go upstairs for our final destination?"
Have a sneaking suscipicion your statistics are not backed with any research or real data. The real issue is that 0% of women want to date you...Hmmm but why o' why could that be? Maybe because you never shut up.
We doubt the other team wants you either. Here's the solution...lower your standards or start clipping coupons for hand cream.
By cuddler he means curls into fetal position and cries often.
Depressed and Isolated says: "After over five months of trying to help her, my girlfriend left me recently and started doing Crystal Meth and cocaine. I only have one friend, and my best friend killed herself three years ago. I've been isolated so much that I can't act normally around other people."
And we thought Mr. Killjoy was bad at breaking the ice. The point of a personal ad is often missed. Your ad is supposed to ATTRACT people. That's the goal.
Depressed and Isolated also says: "I've never had a respectable girlfriend, but I have a 3.75 GPA, an IQ of over 125, and eligibility to Brown University."
You have bad judgement, no friends, and cannot act normal. Nothing here is appealing. Perhaps we've identified your problem or who knows it could be that horrendous unibrow you've got goin on. Why don't you fix that up a bit and go from there?
Submissive Male says: "Girls - want a male to dress up, feminize, turn me into a woman? Maybe strapon play. Couples - I would definitely serve you too"
The only thing that could be more disturbing than this are the people that reply.
While in no way the worst part of the picture... Look at that arm hair! If you're going to post pictures of yourself in unflattering women's clothing, or women's clothing at all for that matter, the least you can do is shave.
Think the picture pretty much says it for us. The guy's wearing a Jeff Hardy shirt, has his face painted like ICP, and means it. He's serious. He is not trying to be funny.
Down Ass Juggalo says: " 1st and foremost I'm a down ass Juggalo so if U ain't down with that move on somewhere else. I like to party and have a good time. I'm very open minded and I'm always down to try new things."
What's the difference between being open minded and not having a mind of your own?
Married Guy says: "I am a married guy looking for NSA sex within a radius of 75 miles of Louisville. Only serious inquiries please. Your picture gets my facial picture."
That's a whole lot of unsexiness.
You can keep the face pic. You've shown us your man boobs, sucked in gut, the fun gravity has had with your ass, and hunch back. There's not a face out there that can make up for your douchbaggery or unkept physique.
Each week we'll offer some obvious advice for improving your personal ad experience and keeping yourself off of the Stud List.
Last week's tip was about having realistic expectations when searching for a partner. This week we're going to talk about posting under the influence.
There are a lot of things you shouldn't do while drinking. Most of us know that drinking and driving is a bad idea. Don't go to work or school drunk...another good one. Drunk dialing usually leads to embarrassment and sometimes restraining orders. Well we're going to add don't post a personal ad to that list. We do understand that alcohol intensifies the urge for companionship but there's a few problems with posting a personal ad when you're drunk.
For starters the urge you're feeling will wear off as the alcohol does, so you want immediate results. The chances of someone real responding before you pass out puking in the toilet are slim. Craigslist takes 15 minutes to post ads after you submit them. You're just not gonna make it. Then the next day you probably won't even remember creating the ad or that you put your email address, phone number, and naked picture in it. You'll wonder why your inbox is full of hate mail from "cheeto-eating craigslist weirdos" and who Pat is and why she sounds rather manly in those messages. The pictures she texted quickly clears up that confusion but... See where we're going with this?
Besides all that, you just don't put your best foot forward when you're drunk. In a bar or at a party it doesn't matter because the other people are drunk too. The majority of the people on craigslist will probably be sober while reading your ad. Alcohol can only make you seem funnier and sexier if it's the other people that are drinking it. Keep that in mind for the future.
"But I'm drunk and I need you now...what can I do?" At this point it's probably better to drunk dial an ex if you weren't able to bring somone home from the bar. Incase that fails be sure to have a sex worker's number programmed in your phone but you'll have to remember not to drink all of your money. Considering you're on craigslist and not at a strip club... it's probably too late for that.
To avoid this ugly scenario you could think ahead. That's right, plan. You know you're going to go out and get drunk this weekend. Be responsible. Post your ad no later than Wednesday.
Mr. Killjoy says: "first thing i been in only a couple relationships and one was almost three years and she died in a car wreck a week after are engagement.."
Yea... you know we're thinking that's not such a good ice breaker.
"Hi, my name's Steve. My girlfriend died in a car accident.. What's your name?" Doesn't work so well. Kind of makes things awkward. Might want to rethink "first thing" and save that for later. Much later....
Thought we'd change it up tonight and post a funny ad that doesn't make you cry on the inside.
Not an Axe Murderer says: "I want a Funday Sunday with someone who is actually fun !! I am fun , you will have a great time with me, but theres only one way to find out if I'm lying so come on .. I am not a axe murderer , I do not live with my Mother, I do have a job being my business, I am in college, I smell great, I will make you laugh till you pee your pants,I have a license and my own air conditioned car(this is important I think), I have no children, I have never been married.. Any questions??"
Opened this ad thinking it was going to be another guy willing to trade sex for money or possibly food. Times are hard. Saw some guy the other day that needs textbooks real bad...willing to do anything. We imagine that isn't going so well. Contrary to what many of our studs think women are at least smart enough to realize that men are willing to do anything, whether or not, there is an exchange of money.
But no, this was not the case. Read on....
Nasty says: "Self explanatory i want to be the best eater ever and i need a practice dummy, Im 5'11 about 140lbs black hair and have pics dont really care about looks i need to do some training just reap the benefits. cool thanx oh yea im nubian"
Ewwwww
Nasty is trying to go around and put his mouth on strange women's coochie. He doesn't know where that coochie's been! And it doesn't sound like he plans on finding out. Why not just get a, that's right one, girlfriend and practice on her? A lot.
The good news is one day he will make some woman very lucky. Not only will she be satisfied... she will get a gift! A funky gift. A funky gift that she will always have to remember him by.
Hey look it's Bat! He's still available in case you were worried you missed out...
Bat says: "I love Big Beautiful Women! and I love them with Brown hair! I am looking a for a BBW Brunette for a girlfriend. Age limit 21 - 33."
If you sent him a message and didn't get a reply it may have been because he wasn't specific enough in his first ad. He was getting too many emails and couldn't get back to everyone. He thought it best to narrow the search down a little this time. He's really looking for big beautiful woman with brown hair.
He's in dire need of a root job...so if you don't meet all of his criteria but can wield a dye bottle he may make an exception for you....
Wishful Thinker says: "Title says it all...if you are interested, please let me know. I know it is a weird thing to post but it's worth a shot. I can explain the why's and all later. Please don't be all offended and sensitive, but rather understand where I am coming from.
I hope to hear from you soon. Please send a picture if you can and info about you. Thanks!"
What kind of info would you really require? Has mouth? Check.
Bet women are just lining up to help him out with that. "Oooh me! me! I want to be first..." Yea....not likely. The whole appeal of being first doesn't quite work the same for women and men. But good try!
The only way we can imagine this being any fun is if duct tape is involved. Were you thinking something along the same lines because if a waxing is what you're after you'll have better luck in Services.
Don Jr. says: "Hello, I hope to find a nice girl, who have a beautiful figure and spontaneous, funny.
DON`T FORGOT YOUR PICS
Age is not important to me"
Really? A beautiful figure? You might want to bring that down a notch. Not sure beautiful figure belongs on your wish list guy.
Think we found Don's long lost illegitimate son. He'd make his old man proud.
Binary-code Bandit says: "my darlings, it's time for a good old fashion game of sodomy, date rape, and balloon animals. It's time for the rantings of a mad man that has briefly crafted a nook into one of our techno-savvy social outlets. I am the digital serial killer. I am the electronic sociopath. I am the binary-code bandit. Okay, even I found that last one to fall about 15 parsecs from hilarity, but fuck it. Move upward and onward.
This evening I feel a familiar beast stirring under my skin. It is the monster cultured by a wave of mutilation known as the social norm.
For those of you that don't like this here fancy talk n'such, I'll dumb it down... Fuck the world. That's right, the world. Not the Internet, not America, Not the Northern goddamn hemisphere, but the world. In the words of Tyler Durden, "We're polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all goin' down."
I would like to call into evidence this shit box of porn and profanity, whoring and horticulture, the wonderful creation of Earthian society, that which has replaced our imagination, our need for intelligence, and any semblance of an integrated society that such optimists as myself may conjure, the Internet.
Born the illegitimate bastard son of scientists seeking faster, more efficient ways to share information, it now exists as the whore-house, peep-show of the new millennium. And God Bless it, too.
What would we do without the convenience of information at our fingertips? How would we survive without the ability to instantly transfer letters, photos, and movies with the press of a button? How in the name of all that is holy could we ever survive without the opportunity to watch a woman blow a man that is blowing a horse at 9am on a Wednesday from the comfort of your fucking living room? It's inconceivable! IN-CON-CEIV-ABLE!!!! Except to those of us ancient as shit mother fuckers that were alive before 1993. We bought out Porn from our older brother and an inflated price after he stole it from the gas station, and we were goddamn lucky to have it!
I don't mean to be bitter (Oh but you are). Without the internet, how could the tens of millions of people that login to each of these fucking dating sites ever hope to get laid? And if anything, I am a man that stands up for the cause of nerdy techno-geeks getting laid.
It decays our language, eroding it down to mind-numbing short-cuts and abbreviations. WTF? OMG! FML! and of course the harbinger of doom, LOL! (lol) And where this bullshit began as three words abbreviated to three letters, it gets worse. The original LOL became LMAO, became ROTFL, became ROTFLMAO. There is no end to the depravity. It sickens the wisest men and confuses the idiots. A language created for the rampant middle-class. The class infamous for trading a few brain cells for something flashy and electronic, and giving up a few civil rights for the illusion of safety.
I have my teeth gritted and my fists clenched as I await the day I read in a forum, "OMGISMPFLSFHAIAPALBTOBMDSTGFTP" Which is of course just an abbreviated way of saying, "Oh My God I Shit My Pants From Laughing So Fucking Hard And I Also Peed A Little But Thats Ok Because My Doctor Says Thats Good For The Pregnancy" (OMGISMPFLSHAIAPALBTOBMDSTGFTP was the reason we posted this...incase you see it somewhere in the near future and care to know what it means. We're all over new trends here at Studs of Craigslist).
And when that time comes, those of you that mocked me and laughed at this post will be drowned in your own humble fucking pie (mmmm pie). Speaking of, I think I have some left over pie in the fridge. Time for me too ska-doosh.
As always, Love, Peace, and RAR for you all.
I Remain,
-G
(If you want to know what RAR stands for you'll have to ask)"
Just because everyone needs to take a break from touching themselves sometimes, and what better way to spend that time than pretending to be an intellectual...On Craigslist of all places.
RAR to him as well. Which to us means Raging Anal Rape. What do you think?
Each week we'll offer some obvious advice for improving your personal ad experience and keeping yourself off of the Stud List.
In the last tip we discussed the correlation between language used in an ad and the types of women, if any, who respond. This week we will continue to examine reasons why you are not attracting the kind of women you are looking for.
Hopefully you are single. You decide that you are interested in meeting people and for whatever reason think that Craigslist might be a good place to do so. That could very well be your first mistake but we'll work past it. You set out with the best intentions when writing your ad. You describe yourself, what you are looking for, and clearly state that you are not interested in the likes of "whores, trannies, retards, bitches, fatties," and well you get the idea... After you finish you feel confident and excitedly wait for replies. Yet, you find yourself frustrated and disappointed when days go by and all of the emails you have received are prompting you to join chat sites. The one seemingly sincere response is from a shemale, named Pat, who's height to weight proportions grossly exceed what you think of as a "fatty".
Naturally you are wondering what went wrong.
In most cases you've cast your line out there with the wrong bait for what you're trying to catch. The concept is pretty simple. You're not going to get a swordfish with a worm. If you think to yourself "I want a woman who is intelligent, good looking, and successful" you need to go look in the mirror. If you do not resemble that description you are faced with two options. Become it or go undelete Pat's message. It's tempting to believe you need a good woman to motivate you like Affectionate A-hole, someone to be there when you get out likeInmate #77133 , a leg to stand on like Stuart the Flamboyant Bum, or a recovering addict to attend meetings with likeBadboy, to become the person you idealize yourself as. Unfortunately, the harsh reality of it is whatever you reel in with the wrong bait is only going to let the right catch get away.
To sum it up....Wait until you are in a good place in your life before pursuing a relationship or at the very least be grateful for whatever comes your way.
During the day he is a regular kid named Cody. At night he transforms into a super hero. His alias is Jail Bait.Click Here for Theme MusicJail Bait's most noted super power is getting your ass locked up.
Jail Bait says: "I am looking for a woman to love and to be with with for a long time... age is not a problem looks are not a problem... my name is cody by the way. these are older pics but once you start talking to me and i get to see a pic of you ill resend newer up to date pics well hope to see you soon <3 "
This one may be wet behind the ears but whatever he's lacking in maturity and experience he'll fully make up for with kickass Spiderman moves, which he will gladly demonstrate for the right woman.
Those are some mighty fine spidey man underwear you have on. Exactly how old is this photo?
*COA: Studs of Craigslist assumes Cody is indeed of legal age and are only making fun of his young appearance and choice of underwear. We do not condone or promote the distribution of child pornography or illegal sex acts in anyway.
Last month Nice Fun Loving Guy, who may or may not be a serial killer, offered to share his pool with a lucky woman if she fit into this bathing suit.
Sort of a modern day Cinderella story, if you will.
Browsing the personals this fine evening we came across his latest ad.
Nice Fun Loving Guy (read: Serial Killer) says: "WANTED one fun sexy girl to come hang out today. chillin by the pool,cause its super hot out."
We regret to inform you that the bathing suit is no longer available. We are hoping it is gone because the last woman (see photo) got away and not because blood stains don't come out. Details have not been offered by NFLG at this time.
If that's not a description of a winner we don't know what is.
Affectionate A-hole says: "I am a selfish asshole that can be very affectionate . I am good looking and can be very charming.I like to cuddle and I like to show a girl off if she is cute (If you're not cute he'll still do you but requires 3 feet of personal space in public). I enjoy buying girls flowers. I am an asshole at times though but Ima working on it. lol I get angry at things and get mad when I dont get my way. Not like a kid but kinda. I will eventually level myself out and grow but I really want to find someone to help shape my life. Is that bad? (Yes) I want a girl that makes me want to be a better man. Someone that motivates me, challenges me and likes adventure (New way of describing domestic violence).
THere has to be another of the opposite sex that shares my traits.
EMail me and we can swap pics or yours gets mine. No fatties please, and if you talk with that annoying drawn out southern redneck thing and it is noticable you can avoid the awkward
time that I make fun of you when I realize it. And please no crazy ex boyfriends, I dont like fighting. Im 6 foot 165lbs for gods sake and last time I got into an altercation i was kidney punched and peed blood for a week. Jackass, I am honest though, sometimes too honest maybe. I will be there for you and I wont back down or lie. (: "
So he'll look good while beating the crap out of you. When he's done he'll give you a hug and buy you some flowers. Or does the beating and verbal abuse come after? Eh...either way there's some flowers and love in it for you somewhere in the mix. A little something we like to call sugar n spice.
Since he has no job there really isn't a date. It's just cuddling on his couch or bed. Your choice. He's nice like that. With this bad economy it's probably a good idea to skip the romantic dinners that lead to years of bad marriage and kids who will only suck the life out of you... Just get straight to the crappy dates on the couch watching tv. That's where you'll end up anway.
Mr. No Ambitions says: "Any one wanna go on a date, and possibly watch tv and chill in my bed of couch and cuddle, lol. This might sound creepy, but i don't go to school and i have no job, and the bars only have trashy fat slags, so i've no way to meet chicks, if any actual cool girls see this, hit me up."
It doesn't sound creepy, it sounds lame. The real reason you are not picking up women at bars is because you are broke. Otherwise, you'd be all over it but even the "trashy fat slags" have some standards.
High as a Kite says: "Politics and political correctness aside, some girls need a man to be a man. To take control and to make decisions. You're such a girl. You're smart, you're sane and this is what you want - not because you don't have options, but simply because it is what you want. No other reason is needed. You need a man to take you, to train you, and to mold you into the girl you always knew you could become. His. His girl. My girl. Trained. Owned. Loved."
We are all for putting political correctness aside and yes many WOMEN do need a man to be a man. Get a job, pay bills, treat them with love and respect...that sort of thing. No one who is smart or sane is out there looking for an a-hole to own them. Put down that pipe and head over to the pets section of Craigslist. Get yourself a nice dog to train, own, and love...you are clearly confused about what you are looking for.
